Husbands, Boyfriends, Fiances!!! Whats a girl to do!?!?!?

[CosmoKat]

Hello ladies, and gentlemen of course!
So in the fight2bfit I've discovered an amazing obstacle..... my fiance. Oh how I love him dearly, goin on 5 years and loving every minute of it. (Insert "BUT" here) For this past 5 years I have gained comfort weight, and do believe it's one of the reasons I'm the biggest I have ever been. (Still my fault tho no matter how u cut it.) Here's the thing tho, he is a very lean rather small guy.. never gains an OUNCE!! And boy what a sweet tooth! anything chocolate and cookies he's GOTTA have it! oh an let's not even get started on the fast food. and sometimes he cooks, where he serves these massive perportions and lets face it, not very "healthy" foods. So we will go grocery shopping, and I will be healthy focused, but I pretty much use our entire budget on healthy items, and it leave's him to fend for himself with no money left... lol! It makes' me feel really bad.. but honestly, I've tried talking to him about it, I dont think he's gunna come around and eat healthy, I think he's actually afraid of loosing weight, because he wants so badly to gain. What do I do!?!?!?!?!!? (P,s, I've tried cooking healthy for me, and cook what he likes, HELLO, way to much work, and... that starts getting even MORE expensive.. and let's not even talk about the temptation!!!)

Please your stories, tips, tricks, and comments are SO appreciated!

[Boss Man]

Well why not try to push the commitment angle.

If he wants to marry you why not remind him about the possibility that of the in sickness and in health part of the vows and say, does he want to be in a marriage, that is mainly the in health part or the in sickness part.

Simply because he could end up being married to someone that has weight related issues that he will have to deal with as well by proxy.

[CosmoKat]

Very true, and I know he will "support" me in ways that if he has his fast food, he can go get it an eat it in his car that way I dont have to deal with it. I was just wondering is it ok to give him that kind of standard? Saying "hey, you have to live your life this way to!" when this is my fault and my endeavour? I really wish I was surrounded by a good support system!!
Thankfully I have found this website! I feel like I have a better shot this time considering I can turn online for the support I'm lacking around me physically!

[musculargirl]

I think its more than okay. The alterative being you have to eat what your fiance wants to eat and become more unhealthier and gain more weight. You have the right to eat the food you want to eat even with a fiance.

[cassiegose]

I'm probably not the best one to be responding to this as I tend to have a pretty selfish approach to this one.... My answer... Keep buying the healthy food and don't feel and ounce of guilt for doing so! Honestly, he doesn't need the crap food that hes putting in his body and I guarantee you in some way the food he is eating is affecting his health in some way... even if its simply a matter of having lower energy than he could... fast food and candy is crap and our bodies were not designed to run on that stuff.

I say keep buying the healthy foods and just try to get creative in fixing meals. If he wants hamburgers thats great! Whole grain buns, lean beef, veggies, low fat cheese, and veggies. If he wants fries with the burger make some home fries using potatoes, nonstrick spray, and seasoning. Slice, spray, bake. Viola. Yeah it doesn't taste the same but after a while he'll adapt. If its tacos for dinner again no problem, whole grain tortillas, chicken, beef, or fish, veggies of choice, black beans or fat free refrieds, low fat cheese. BAM! Healthy tacos. Pizza? Whole grain crust (you can buy this or make it yourself), low fat cheese, chicken, beef, or canadian bacon, veggies... and you have yourself a nice healthy pizza. You can even use flat bread or low carb tortillas for crust if youre watching your carbs. Honestly you can make almost any recipe healthier by using whole wheat instead of white, low fat instead of whole fat, and using lean meats instead of the unhealthier versions. As for things like dessert... this is where it gets challenging and you really have to be strong. When I was engaged I would make dinner and he would pretty much just eat whatever I fixed... sometimes I would alter the meals a little for him when my diet got super strict. Then for things like dessert he would often have ice cream while I skipped dessert or had fruit or greek yogurt with pb.

Bottom line... You guys are going to have to meet each other in the middle on this one. It really isn't going to hurt him to eat the healthy meals with you. If hes concerned about losing weight he could always impliment a weight program and start really watching his diet to ensure hes eating enough to build. There will be times where hes going to want to treat himself and you're going to have to decide if you want to join him or just do without. Keep in mind that for you these changes should be lifestyle changes that you plan to maintain for the rest of your life. If this is the case, youre going to have to figure out a way to impliment these healthy changes into your life permanently... and if hes a part of your life then he is going to be affected. I promise you these changes are just as important for your S.O. to impliment as they are for you because as I said before just because hes skinny doesn't necessarily mean that hes healthy and can't benefit from a clean balanced diet.

[CosmoKat]

Wow excellent insights... You guys are right, just gotta do it! Once I prove my dedication maybe he'll come around? But even if he doesnt, I must stay focused and do this for me, an when I'm all trim an lookin good, I guess I'll just have to deny him "dessert" as payback!!!!!! LOL

[cassiegose]

Do it for you, never anyone else, otherwise we go down the path of dependancy, which ain't good.

Woman have the power of the P, should be no excuse not to get your own way, hahahahahahaha

LOL! Oh my goodness Brent! Did you seriously type that?

[CosmoKat]

There are very few indisputable truths and thats one of them

Amen. LOL!

[Boss Man]

Bottom line is, he's got to want to alter his behaviour patterns. He may find a nasty situation occurs with his health otherwise, but if you cave in to his mentality, you'll end up copying it, which won't help you. Sometimes people have to have a wake up call, before they take notice of things they're doing wrong.

It's not good for the other person living with knock on effects, but it may come to that, if he cannot reconcile his behaviour as no good for him, or for your emotions. It's a question of what will he sacrifice for his health and the love, that is supposed to be proliferating in the relationship.

It's one thing to care, but another to pressurise and if you tip him too far one way, he could resent it and it could damage the relationship, because he could think you've changed if sudeenly your on his back for things more than usual, or being to strident about broaching the subject instead of being more subtle and conservative.

If it comes to the crunch, that he just refuses to accept what might be potentially happening to him physically, with some of his life choices, you may have to settle for it, until there's some possible fallout, then be expected to be there for him when it does.

Otherwise, you'd have the middle ground option, where you subtely persuade him to change, or the drastic option, where you say to him that it's either his way, or in relationship terms, no way and tell him that if his choices damage his health, why should you be there to pick up the pieces for him, because selfishness of any kind, is not a prerequestive of love, like trust, honesty, openness etc etc are

You need to decide how to approach this, with either an acceptance approach, subtle approach or hardcore approach, because ultimately you are getting some unwanted emotional negativity from this, but you might create a situation where it gets worse if you can't try to encourage a resolution you'd prefer, in the right ways.

The fact you care enough not to just sit back and let this continue for his sake, says a lot about you. You clearly have a very good heart, it may just simply be a question of how much he respects it.

Good luck .

[Nokie173]

.... when I'm all trim an lookin good....

Do it for your health too! It's hard to start and get motivated but once you see results and feeling better about yourself… you’ll be addicted. If you ever feel down or discourage come on here and vent… I’m sure we’ll here to push you. We have our own struggles but we all try to help each other reach our goals.