Hello all! Me again.
I've been struggling a lot lately with weightloss, but that's not what I'm here about today. I need to work on self-esteem and managing stress.
Okay, first we'll talk about self-esteem. I need to learn to feel better about myself and to like myself. This is something I've known for YEARS, but I've come to the realisation that something needs to be done about it now, because this whole waking up every day and walking past mirror to leave room and nearly getting into tears first thing because I hate what I see. . . I need to stop. It's a horrid way to start your day, and I'm sick of it. I still can't take compliments, I still feel like I'm being lied to so when I get any form of compliment (which doesn't happen often, but still...) I get angry, I get upset, and it makes me feel even worse about how I look and feel. If anyone can give me some advice on learning to love myself, that would be great. However, I need something more than just "pick something you DO like and focus on it" because to be ONE HUNDRED percent honest. There isn't anything I like.... I have to learn to like everything about myself.
Now we're on to stress. I'll give you a quick rundown of what stress I've got.
- I'm preparing to move away from home to go to university in Chicago.
- grandmother is quickly losing her battle with cancer
- mother and father won't listen to me about quitting smoking
- brother continues to do drugs even though I continually beg him to stop
- Food makes me feel sick
- low self-esteem adds to stress
So that's the short list. As far as the low self-esteem begets stress, well the more stressed I feel the lower self-esteem I have and I imagine you can see where that goes. It's a cycle I REALLY don't enjoy and I need to break this cycle because it's not getting me anywhere in life.
Any help and advice is greatly appreciated.
Jena.
Self-esteem + Stress = Ew.
Moderators: cassiegose, Boss Man
Re: Self-esteem + Stress = Ew.
Well I'm going to say that again Jena, that you should be proud of yourself for talking about your issues 
.
One thing we would never do here is lie to you. If we told you something positive, we would be saying it because it's genuine.
I think you're a great person and you've always shown people here respect, warmth and understanding and it does make you someone you CAN be proud of misses, I really do mean that.
If this doesn't seem a little funny, I'm sending you a BIG HUG because I really do think a lot of you as person and I am convinced that in time, you will learn to like and feel more positive about yourself too.
I can totally empathise about your Grandmothers situation. One of Grandmothers, (no longer with us), had a sister who went through Big C and unfortunately second time around, it claimed her.
The thing is, you need to believe that in her eyes, you are someone she can be proud of and if the time should come, she will have some passing moments to reflect on her life and be grateful for people like you.
She is a little part of you and the memories live on, so don't ever remember her for how she is now, remember her for what she's always meant to you and what you've meant to her.
Remember the fact she will live on in some way through you. You will never be without her, because she will be in your heart, memories and in a minor way your words and deeds.
Value that and never forget it. I hated the way Grandmother ended up in that nursing home bed, in pain with her problems and other Grandmother in her wheelchair after a stroke. I know how they lived, and how hard it was, especially first Grandmother, (the one with the stroke), having 3 children and at one time bringing two up by herself during World War II, as her husband was away fighting.
The fact is I try to remember them for who they were, not how they became latterly. So don't feel sad for her, feel positive for her, that's what she needs right now.
You could look at your Grandmothers situation and say maybe she did things in life that contributed, but that's not the point now and the worst thing would be for her to feel guilt or upset, for how she might be making someone like you feel, as if this situation might be her fault. You need to be strong for her, but that doesn't mean you must always be strong for you too. You're human, so don't be afraid to feel things or convince yourself you're not allowed to feel things.
You're entitled to private moments, just for you, where you can just feel how you need to feel. You are such a strong character in many ways, for coming through what you've been through and I can't say I understand what you went through, but I really and honestly admire you for it
Be what she probably needs and would want you to be. Her Granddaughter and also a person who can stand up and be someone in their own right and be strong and sensible and most of all human.
I also know what your family problems are like. Father gave up, but mother never has. It annoys me. She lives like crap, is overweight and is on 3 types of medication and in the case of the Blood pressure meds, there's no reason to be on them. They could be avoided with some simple changes to life. Alright the smoking would be an added bigger change, but it frustrates me and we have argued before about it.
The fact you feel like this, shows you care, but it seems as if they are being selfish and not considering you or how it makes you feel. It's your age possibly as well, that maybe your opinion is not valid enough in their eyes.
You can't force them, or attempt to emotionally blackmail or bully them into a corner either, but you can keep trying to make them see sometimes, but you have to understand you may never change them.
Same with your brother. He sounds like a selfish person too, because he isn't considering people like you and how you feel, or what would happen if his drug problem permanently messed his life up or the impact on others if it killed him.
You can only do so much there too. Their choices can't be a major headache for you. You're not to blame for their choices, it's not your fault and what are you going to do when you go to university? Worry about them all the time, because ask yourself this. Would they do that about you?
Sometimes; but I don't think it would be often and be prepared for the brother at some point to possibly resent you, if he felt you furthering yourself, was getting you more positive attention off the family, or he started feeling jealous. It's like deprived kids, damaging nice cars, because they envy people with more money.
He might resent you furthering yourself, because he could see that as you leaving everyone behind and thinking you're better than them, rather than admiring you and wishing he could have been more proactive in his life.
If he can't see enough good in himself, that he is addicted to drugs, would he see a lot of good in you? The possibility is that he might not.
I actually do think you are quite a good looking "young Lady" and that is the truth. I think I can understand your esteem issues, I do, because I think maybe you do see yourself as second best or not good enough, or some sort of failure.
You will NEVER be a failure Jena, you will ALWAYS be a success. You have come so far from the days of self harming and self hurting, to be a pretty strong and intelligent young Lady, who is going to university and I will tell you truthfully, that I AM PROUD OF YOU, for being someone that changed for the better, recognised they were more of a person, than they may have felt they were before and for giving yourself the chance to be a high level student, not a drop-out, that possibly would end up like their Brother.
Your weight loss issues will subside in time and you WILL make progress if you stick to it, train properly, eat properly and believe in yourself and the process. You believed in yourself enough to think you could be a university student and a somebody, not a waste of space, so keep believing that you can be a success too, educationally and physically
You already are a success and a winner for getting this far. You're 17 and you're pretty amazing to have been who you were, compared to who you are now.
That's why I'm so proud of you misses and think a lot of you and trust me when I say, as soon as your weight starts to get a bit better and you start to get a little more expreience of life and the wider-world, you will come to appreciate yourself more.
You're not your Parents and you are not your Brother. You are YOU. An intelligent, warm-hearted, charming yourg Lady and you need to keep remembering how far you've come.
You're blossoming into a great person Jena and you're only 17 and I can only imagine how much you've done in just the last 5-6 years, to become this educationally achieving, really, really likeable winner, in contrast to the person you were before, that felt perhaps misunderstood, insignificant, dark and was unhappy.
Don't be afraid to question yourself, or the person you are, but don't ever forget what it means. You're as honest and as genuine as they could possibly come and you ARE a lot stronger than perhaps you're willing to admit to even yourself, but it does come across in your words sometimes.
I really do mean everything I've said to you and if there's ever a time you need a little personal and private one to one, contact me on the PM system okay. I will try to be here for you.
GOOD LUCK in everything you do, including the university studies and please, please do come and see us here whenever you can okay.
This community exists for people of differing backgrounds and certainly it will always exist for people like you.
You're not broken, not damaged and not worthless. The world needs more people like you, to bring positivity and achievement with it. Your future is looking brighter than it could ever have looked 5 -6 years ago. Keep embracing the person you have become, value it, treasure it and don't look in the mirror at yourself and see a dumpy failure, or a fat loser, see yourself as a winner, a success and someone who IS strong, IS capable and WILL change their physical state and their attitude to themselves, by giving yourself some YOU time sometimes and giving yourself the chance to continue blossoming and maturing, into an even more worthwhile young Lady than you already are.
I see no reason to be sad or unhappy with you Jena, just reasons to smile and be so, so proud that you are moving on in life and making more of yourself misses. You're a real shining star and WELL DONE for making your life change for the better. It's clearly been such a tremendous effort to change yourself, from a confused, upset, self hater, to someone more emotionally strong and intellectually achieving, but it's definietly in mind been worth the effort, because you're so, so much more of a person now and you prove by your atittude to others, you CAN be quite the little ray of sunshine when you want to be.
GOOD LUCK again and as I say, do keep letting us know how you're doing. You will ALWAYS have a place in our affections and community and even if it may seem, that your family might not appreciate or value you as much as you'd wish, we WILL and we will be here for you and so will I when you want to talk privately about anything, but for now, be proud of yourself, for how far you've come and keep believing in yourself and your own ability to change.
You've done incredibly well to overcome your past like you have and it's amazing to see someone like you, giving yourself the time and space to blossom and flower, into someone more emotionally beautiful as time goes by.
Once again, I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU. I hope you are proud of you too. You've many reasons to be.
Best wishes Jena, chin up, big smiles and keep pushing for more and striving for change. You REALLY, REALLY CAN DO IT, because you ARE an amazing young Lady and an inspiration to others too.
.One thing we would never do here is lie to you. If we told you something positive, we would be saying it because it's genuine.
I think you're a great person and you've always shown people here respect, warmth and understanding and it does make you someone you CAN be proud of misses, I really do mean that.
If this doesn't seem a little funny, I'm sending you a BIG HUG because I really do think a lot of you as person and I am convinced that in time, you will learn to like and feel more positive about yourself too
.I can totally empathise about your Grandmothers situation. One of Grandmothers, (no longer with us), had a sister who went through Big C and unfortunately second time around, it claimed her.
The thing is, you need to believe that in her eyes, you are someone she can be proud of and if the time should come, she will have some passing moments to reflect on her life and be grateful for people like you.
She is a little part of you and the memories live on, so don't ever remember her for how she is now, remember her for what she's always meant to you and what you've meant to her.
Remember the fact she will live on in some way through you. You will never be without her, because she will be in your heart, memories and in a minor way your words and deeds.
Value that and never forget it. I hated the way Grandmother ended up in that nursing home bed, in pain with her problems and other Grandmother in her wheelchair after a stroke. I know how they lived, and how hard it was, especially first Grandmother, (the one with the stroke), having 3 children and at one time bringing two up by herself during World War II, as her husband was away fighting.
The fact is I try to remember them for who they were, not how they became latterly. So don't feel sad for her, feel positive for her, that's what she needs right now
.You could look at your Grandmothers situation and say maybe she did things in life that contributed, but that's not the point now and the worst thing would be for her to feel guilt or upset, for how she might be making someone like you feel, as if this situation might be her fault. You need to be strong for her, but that doesn't mean you must always be strong for you too. You're human, so don't be afraid to feel things or convince yourself you're not allowed to feel things.
You're entitled to private moments, just for you, where you can just feel how you need to feel. You are such a strong character in many ways, for coming through what you've been through and I can't say I understand what you went through, but I really and honestly admire you for it
Be what she probably needs and would want you to be. Her Granddaughter and also a person who can stand up and be someone in their own right and be strong and sensible and most of all human.
I also know what your family problems are like. Father gave up, but mother never has. It annoys me. She lives like crap, is overweight and is on 3 types of medication and in the case of the Blood pressure meds, there's no reason to be on them. They could be avoided with some simple changes to life. Alright the smoking would be an added bigger change, but it frustrates me and we have argued before about it.
The fact you feel like this, shows you care, but it seems as if they are being selfish and not considering you or how it makes you feel. It's your age possibly as well, that maybe your opinion is not valid enough in their eyes.
You can't force them, or attempt to emotionally blackmail or bully them into a corner either, but you can keep trying to make them see sometimes, but you have to understand you may never change them.
Same with your brother. He sounds like a selfish person too, because he isn't considering people like you and how you feel, or what would happen if his drug problem permanently messed his life up or the impact on others if it killed him.
You can only do so much there too. Their choices can't be a major headache for you. You're not to blame for their choices, it's not your fault and what are you going to do when you go to university? Worry about them all the time, because ask yourself this. Would they do that about you?
Sometimes; but I don't think it would be often and be prepared for the brother at some point to possibly resent you, if he felt you furthering yourself, was getting you more positive attention off the family, or he started feeling jealous. It's like deprived kids, damaging nice cars, because they envy people with more money.
He might resent you furthering yourself, because he could see that as you leaving everyone behind and thinking you're better than them, rather than admiring you and wishing he could have been more proactive in his life.
If he can't see enough good in himself, that he is addicted to drugs, would he see a lot of good in you? The possibility is that he might not.
I actually do think you are quite a good looking "young Lady" and that is the truth. I think I can understand your esteem issues, I do, because I think maybe you do see yourself as second best or not good enough, or some sort of failure.
You will NEVER be a failure Jena, you will ALWAYS be a success. You have come so far from the days of self harming and self hurting, to be a pretty strong and intelligent young Lady, who is going to university and I will tell you truthfully, that I AM PROUD OF YOU, for being someone that changed for the better, recognised they were more of a person, than they may have felt they were before and for giving yourself the chance to be a high level student, not a drop-out, that possibly would end up like their Brother.
Your weight loss issues will subside in time and you WILL make progress if you stick to it, train properly, eat properly and believe in yourself and the process. You believed in yourself enough to think you could be a university student and a somebody, not a waste of space, so keep believing that you can be a success too, educationally and physically
You already are a success and a winner for getting this far. You're 17 and you're pretty amazing to have been who you were, compared to who you are now
.That's why I'm so proud of you misses and think a lot of you and trust me when I say, as soon as your weight starts to get a bit better and you start to get a little more expreience of life and the wider-world, you will come to appreciate yourself more.
You're not your Parents and you are not your Brother. You are YOU. An intelligent, warm-hearted, charming yourg Lady and you need to keep remembering how far you've come.
You're blossoming into a great person Jena and you're only 17 and I can only imagine how much you've done in just the last 5-6 years, to become this educationally achieving, really, really likeable winner, in contrast to the person you were before, that felt perhaps misunderstood, insignificant, dark and was unhappy.
Don't be afraid to question yourself, or the person you are, but don't ever forget what it means. You're as honest and as genuine as they could possibly come and you ARE a lot stronger than perhaps you're willing to admit to even yourself, but it does come across in your words sometimes
.I really do mean everything I've said to you and if there's ever a time you need a little personal and private one to one, contact me on the PM system okay. I will try to be here for you
.GOOD LUCK in everything you do, including the university studies and please, please do come and see us here whenever you can okay
.This community exists for people of differing backgrounds and certainly it will always exist for people like you.
You're not broken, not damaged and not worthless. The world needs more people like you, to bring positivity and achievement with it. Your future is looking brighter than it could ever have looked 5 -6 years ago. Keep embracing the person you have become, value it, treasure it and don't look in the mirror at yourself and see a dumpy failure, or a fat loser, see yourself as a winner, a success and someone who IS strong, IS capable and WILL change their physical state and their attitude to themselves, by giving yourself some YOU time sometimes and giving yourself the chance to continue blossoming and maturing, into an even more worthwhile young Lady than you already are.
I see no reason to be sad or unhappy with you Jena, just reasons to smile and be so, so proud that you are moving on in life and making more of yourself misses. You're a real shining star and WELL DONE for making your life change for the better. It's clearly been such a tremendous effort to change yourself, from a confused, upset, self hater, to someone more emotionally strong and intellectually achieving, but it's definietly in mind been worth the effort, because you're so, so much more of a person now and you prove by your atittude to others, you CAN be quite the little ray of sunshine when you want to be.
GOOD LUCK again and as I say, do keep letting us know how you're doing. You will ALWAYS have a place in our affections and community and even if it may seem, that your family might not appreciate or value you as much as you'd wish, we WILL and we will be here for you and so will I when you want to talk privately about anything, but for now, be proud of yourself, for how far you've come and keep believing in yourself and your own ability to change.
You've done incredibly well to overcome your past like you have and it's amazing to see someone like you, giving yourself the time and space to blossom and flower, into someone more emotionally beautiful as time goes by.
Once again, I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU. I hope you are proud of you too. You've many reasons to be.
Best wishes Jena, chin up, big smiles and keep pushing for more and striving for change. You REALLY, REALLY CAN DO IT, because you ARE an amazing young Lady and an inspiration to others too.
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MissJenaKay
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- Posts: 845
- Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:43 pm
Re: Self-esteem + Stress = Ew.
Boss,
Thank you for your ever kind words. I love reading your responses, not only to own posts, but to others. I hope that someday, I'll be able to reach out to people. But as of right now, I have to work on myself. I will definitely be contacting you through a pm because I'd like to work through a few problems that I'd rather not throw out into the public eye. Thank you again, you're pretty awesome. And thanks tons for the hug.... I love hugs...
Jena
Thank you for your ever kind words. I love reading your responses, not only to own posts, but to others. I hope that someday, I'll be able to reach out to people. But as of right now, I have to work on myself. I will definitely be contacting you through a pm because I'd like to work through a few problems that I'd rather not throw out into the public eye. Thank you again, you're pretty awesome. And thanks tons for the hug.... I love hugs...
Jena
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MissJenaKay
- REGULAR
- Posts: 845
- Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:43 pm
Re: Self-esteem + Stress = Ew.
Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely try your suggestions. As far as cleaning, I do that all the time. So it's not a huge pick-me-up when I do it. But I do love how it feels to clean.amatlack wrote:As for self-esteem, I find that doing something each day to better myself makes me love myself. Exercise, eating well, getting a pedicure, cleaning house (or your room, in your case), improving living space...anything that betters me makes me love myself.
Meditation is also a blessing. It will teach you not to be attached to thoughts. So a thought might come up that says, "I hate myself," and you can learn to just shrug and know that's just a thought and let it go. Meditation isn't about learning not to think (that's impossible)...it's about learning how to let things go. I highly suggest checking out Brad Warner's books, starting with "Hardcore Zen." I think you'd like it. You can check out his blog at http://hardcorezen.blogspot.com/. And it's not about religion...folks of any and all religions can benefit from meditation.
You can also learn to replace those thoughts. When you think, "Man, I'm ugly today," you can just force yourself to smile and say, "I have beautiful eyes." Enough days like that, and it will get easier.
As far as the other stress...I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. But the others, I'd say that you should learn to focus on YOURSELF. Your worth does not come from your ability to make your parents quit smoking or get your brother off drugs. It comes from being the best YOU that you can be. Moving to another city will be a great way for you to start to realize that.
Good luck.
Thanks Again. :]
Jena
Re: Self-esteem + Stress = Ew.
I know sometimes it's difficult to think of something in life that isn't stressful. Every day I try to accept that I can't live for others, I can only be honest with them and love them anyway. Pain and stress are relative, but in the grand scheme of things you can't control anyone's life but your own. Reinforce yourself to be the best example of love and strength that you can for those people you worry about... and hang in there. Remember your strength
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MissJenaKay
- REGULAR
- Posts: 845
- Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:43 pm
Re: Self-esteem + Stress = Ew.
Thank you for the advice and pep talk. :]Athene wrote:I know sometimes it's difficult to think of something in life that isn't stressful. Every day I try to accept that I can't live for others, I can only be honest with them and love them anyway. Pain and stress are relative, but in the grand scheme of things you can't control anyone's life but your own. Reinforce yourself to be the best example of love and strength that you can for those people you worry about... and hang in there. Remember your strength
Re: Self-esteem + Stress = Ew.
We're all the same... 