The one thing to remember Jackie, is that you ARE worth it. Your life has value and that value goes up and down depending on things like attitude to others and the way you treat yourself.
It's obvious your attitude to others need never be questioned, so it's simply a case of how much you value your body and how much you value your life, to determine how much you will give to make things better for yourself.
Be proud of admitting you need this. That is one of the most important steps to getting started. People with weight problems can't start to do anything about it, until they realise the problem is existant and that their negative body composition counts as a "problem".
You have also declared a previous interest in trying to make change happen. You lost the ability to see how valuable your life was to you, hence the forsaking of much or all of what you did before to solicit change.
It is important that you have rekindled this connection between life and it's potential to have high value, because realising you have a right to be worth more than you currently are, is an important step to making your human worth to grow.
This is not the time however for recriminations. Not the time to chide, scold and remonstrate with yourself, about what you were doing and then what you stopped doing to develop a better you, this is about looking to the future and recognising how far you are able to go and how much you can potentially do.
If you keep believing in yourself, you have the potential to be pretty amazing, but you need to not lose sight of the person you want to be and you need to accept the fact you are human and expecting to make all the right decisions and never slip-up, is too unfair a marker for you to lay down.
The important thing is to know whan you've made a mistake, get back on track quickly and learn from it if you can, because there's no point feeling guilty about eating something you know you shouldn't have, then saying what's the point and eating crappy for the rest of the day.
You're giving yourself a second chance to do what can be done and I think you know you're capable of doing it, it's just remembering that and never giving up on it as an evaluation of yourself.
If you keep us updated where possible, we can help you more and that's what we want to do as a community, so GOOD LUCK and don't lose sight of the person you want to be, because the hardest thing was admitting you needed to change; the process thereafter is not easy, but shouldn't be as hard, because you've done the most important and difficult thing; acceptance of the need to change.
So you already have something to be proud of, so keep pushing and don't forget what you're potentially worth to the world and others okay
This time make it count, like I think you can and I think YOU know you can
Chin up, be strong and no worries okay