Jena's Journal.

[MissJenaKay]

Brent: Yep, she still has a horrible aversion to clothes.

Boss: Yeah, probably.

She is currently (not at this moment but it's her new thing) having sex with the woman she babysits for. This woman is almost 40, she is also married. My reaction:: WTF. Mollie has felt the need to tell me all the details of her sex life... I hate it.

[Boss Man]

She was humping guys while you were in your bed, now she's pleasing a 40 year old person she babysits for.

I'm hoping the 40 year old is divorced, because if she's not, I doubt her husband would be happy knowing his wife was pleasing a college student, that's not much older than legal.

I've nothing against Lesbians or bisexuals, but frankly your roommate needs counselling and life skills advice badly.

[MissJenaKay]

She was humping guys while you were in your bed, now she's pleasing a 40 year old person she babysits for.

I'm hoping the 40 year old is divorced, because if she's not, I doubt her husband would be happy knowing his wife was pleasing a college student, that's not much older than legal.

I've nothing against Lesbians or bisexuals, but frankly your roommate needs counselling and life skills advice badly.

Nope, the woman is still legally married to her husband. They are "separated" but they live next door to each other because they want to continue to be a thing for the kids and because they are business partners.

Did I mention this woman is also a highschool teacher who had sex with Mollie's ex-boyfriend (her student) before Mollie and he got together. And now Mollie's getting with her. WTF. This girl needs more mental help than I do, I think. And that's sayin something.

I don't understand Mollie and she disgusts me and make me feel uncomfortable. Considering she has currently taken a liking to asking me about my love life and my past sex life (or lack thereof).

I also have nothing against same sex couples (I'm not even straight myself) but Mollie is just.... UGH! I don't even know WHAT to say.

[Boss Man]

What can you say? Trying to understand someone like that would be a waste of brain cells.

[MissJenaKay]

I'm so happy that I won't be living with her next year.

[Boss Man]

How come?

[MissJenaKay]

Really, Boss? Really? Do you have to ask? Lol.

[Nokie173]

I'm so happy that I won't be living with her next year.

YAY.... Happy for you

[MissJenaKay]

It's been a long time, I've had so much work and stress to get through in the last quarter of my first year at Uni and I'm finally home. I've been home for two days now and I hope to get back on track this summer and lose a good chunk of weight. I'm also terrified that in the past while since I haven't had time to take care of myself, I'm terrified that I've gained back a lot of weight. I'm going to check my weight and I'll post again later, the result.

[MissJenaKay]

Just got done checking my weight and I've never been more pissed or depressed in my life. I'm 248.5 lbs... That's heavier than I have ever been, heavier than I was even when I first started even trying in December of 2009. I feel like crying. This is ridiculous. I've never hated myself more than I do right now.

[Boss Man]

Keep believing Jena. This is not a life sentance and the weight loss is possible.

Inside of you exists a beautiful person who we see sometimes, but you DO have a right to be beautiful on the outside too and not just regarding your facial features.

You WILL get what you want in time, but stopping believing will never get you what you want.

Hang in there, be patient and keep trying to do what you can to make this happen. I don't think anybody except you, wants you to lose a lot of weight more than this community and we WON'T stop caring and being here for you.

So don't you stop caring for yourself either.

I'm sending you a BIG HUG and letting you know that myself and the community ARE committed to you sweetheart, so you are not alone and as long as you regularly update and let us know how you feel, we can do what we feel is right when we can to help and support you.

We won't walk away from you, because you're one of us and we DO care okay .

Also, have you considered buying a few smaller clothes? No motivation like buying something really great, that won't fit right now, to make you want to lose weight so it will.

You certainly don't need to compare your body right now to others, if you compare it to how you want yourself to look, by having a few items that represent a more slimmer and beautiful you.

Certainly something to think about at least.

Plus if you spend a bit of money on some smaller clothes, you'll feel like you've wasted money, if you don't do what it takes to lose the weight so thye will fit won't you.

I'm not talking about spending masses of $$$, just maybe a couple of pairs of jeans / pants and a couple of tops on sale prices, so as I say, something to consider.

[MissJenaKay]

Keep believing Jena. This is not a life sentance and the weight loss is possible.

Inside of you exists a beautiful person who we see sometimes, but you DO have a right to be beautiful on the outside too and not just regarding your facial features.

You WILL get what you want in time, but stopping believing will never get you what you want.

Hang in there, be patient and keep trying to do what you can to make this happen. I don't think anybody except you, wants you to lose a lot of weight more than this community and we WON'T stop caring and being here for you.

So don't you stop caring for yourself either.

I'm sending you a BIG HUG and letting you know that myself and the community ARE committed to you sweetheart, so you are not alone and as long as you regularly update and let us know how you feel, we can do what we feel is right when we can to help and support you.

We won't walk away from you, because you're one of us and we DO care okay .

Also, have you considered buying a few smaller clothes? No motivation like buying something really great, that won't fit right now, to make you want to lose weight so it will.

You certainly don't need to compare your body right now to others, if you compare it to how you want yourself to look, by having a few items that represent a more slimmer and beautiful you.

Certainly something to think about at least.

Plus if you spend a bit of money on some smaller clothes, you'll feel like you've wasted money, if you don't do what it takes to lose the weight so thye will fit won't you.

I'm not talking about spending masses of $$$, just maybe a couple of pairs of jeans / pants and a couple of tops on sale prices, so as I say, something to consider.

Right now, Boss, your peptalk is doing nothing but making me angry. I feel like I'm a huge fuck up. I hate myself sooo much, I gave up so much to lose that weight and I now I've fucked it all up. I hate myself so much right now. I want to hurt myself, that's how pissed I am. I'm beginning to feel like I'll never be thin, or if I do ever get there, I'll have missed all the things I've wanted to be pretty for. As dumb as that makes me sound, that's how I feel. I haven't considered buying clothes that are too small and I won't. I don't have money to spend on things that I cannot use. I try to buy only things I need because I don't have the money for it. Besides, with my luck, by the time I can wear what I've bought, it'll be horridly out of fashion and I won't like it anymore. So it'll still be a waste of money. I'm not going to bother, especially since there's no guarantee that it will fit correctly even if I do lose weight and get down to a small enough size for the garment, so I'm not going to do that. The idea of it is just stupid in my opinion.

[MissJenaKay]

I know its stupid how much I'm posting today, but I keep getting things on my mind. I'm trying to decide if fasting is a bad thing or not. I really think I want to fast for a little while. But people keep telling me it's unhealthy. Is it?

[MissJenaKay]

Fasting will make you gain weight in the end. You will starve yourself, so your metabolism will slow down, making it harder to lose weight for a looong time. You will also end up being really hungry, so you'll eat more when you finally can't take fasting anymore. So extra food + really slow metabolism = more fat. Also, if you starve your body, it will hang onto all the fat it can for as long as it can so it can survive the famine conditions.

Not sure you want to go down that road.

Exercise and clean eating works. I went from 238 to 165 and am still losing, though very slowly. There's no easier way.

Losing weight and being happy are very often just mental decisions. You have to set your mind to it and work toward it. You know what you need to do, so do it...or don't, but then don't be upset when it doesn't work.

Okay, I was just wondering if it really was as bad as people make it out to be. I'm not going to now that I know. Thanks.

[Boss Man]

Fair enough, you think what I said is stupid, that's your opinion .

The main reason for weight loss not happening, is probably down to lack of exercise moreso than diet, so if you are studying a lot and have no time to exercise, then you will end up with that problem.

That's being frank and to the point.