Boss Man wrote:Just a thought, but if you don't trust these people enough to be honest with them, as you imply, how do you know you're wasting your time going in the first place?
Being more candid, if you were not being totally candid from the get go, might yield more productive and enlightening feelings about what you were going through, and teach you more .
Boss Man wrote:If it were even possible, I'd be going with you to an appointment and being someone who could hold your hand and make you feel it was okay to challenge the demons and speak out against them .
If I could be in the same room as you at some point, like a student rooms or something like that, I would be and giving you such a massive hug and if you wanted to do that for a whole hour, I'd let you, just so you could have a massive release, cry all you wanted and feel a lot of warmth you've probably never known too often, just to let you feel something you could potentially experience in the future, by perhaps learning to confront and / or letting go of some of the demons and pain from your past .
Boss Man wrote:People don't have to conform in certain ways no, nor should they be forced too, but where with someone who is Bipolar, they must live with what they are, because it cannot be cured, just managed, you would have more of a chance to be relieved of your problems to some extent, by letting yourself confront the things you fear to speak of.
The fear you have as you say, is that letting these things loose could make things worse, which I was right to elude to in my previous post, and make others see you for less than they do now.
You would then find out however, who the real people were, that could see you for the person you are, which is the innocent party in the incidences you have witnessed and felt first hand, not someone who is not safe to be around or dangerous to know .
People who thought that, would prove to be people that were fake and drag you down and hold you back and a true person would understand and see you as you the innocent party you have been in your life .
Boss Man wrote:You could stay being the person you are and live with that darkness you have harboured deep down inside for a lifetime, or you could be such a wonderfully brave person and tell someone, whoever that is, whether it's me, a therapist or anyone, just how deep some of the darkness extends and the scars go .
Boss Man wrote:Are you never curious to know, if true happiness is a pursuit that is worthy of your time and attention, or do you believe true happiness is something you are not allowed to know, as if for some reason you have been born to be punished, so that somewhere in the world someone else can have a joyous life and thus the earth has a harmony of sorts, I.E. for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Boss Man wrote:You are what you are now, but is trying to change conforming to others wishes, or merely you suddenly having an epiphany about how you CAN control more of your life.
The thing you were forced to do about coming out, wasn't pleasant, but how would you have felt if you'd taken the step without being stressed, pressured or harassed into it, if you had been so courageous and thought screw it I'm going to say something?
Do you still think in all honesty, you would have felt as badly as you say you did after the event, had you been brave enough to do it without any outside influences?
Boss Man wrote:I completely understand your fears, I really do and I know it must seem hard to think that if you speak of the real darkness inside of you it will make things worse and cause people to think you're damaged goods, or evil or broekn beyond repair, but those are the fakes and the real people like me, will never think less of you for being you, because you're not to blame for why you are like you are .
I would NEVER push, coerce or pressure you into anything and I would never blame you for anything you do, just like I've never blamed or admonished you for your occasional outbursts at me, because I don't see someone disrespecting me or looking like a brat, I see someone confused, scared and a maelstrom of emotions doing whatever feels natural in the moment or whatever emotions seem to happen just then.
I know you have never said anything on here that looked angry to try and hurt me or punish me for opening my inner self to you unconditionally and I never will think less of you for some things you say, because I know deep down it's you "in a moment", or you fighting against urges to say something different, to what you just feel you simply cannot say.
Boss Man wrote:Think about how much you've experienced before, than think about how bad could it be to confront those things again to try and overcome them. Yes painful memories, but can they really be as or more painful as experiencing what happened when it happened?
I would say honestly, they can't be. I'm 99.99% convinced of that.[/quote[
Honestly, it hurts even more to think about them, because not only do I remember how it felt, I remember how fucked up it is and how sick it makes me feel to even think of it. I hate even going anywhere near those thoughts. They sicken me and I hate them and I don't want anything to do with them.Boss Man wrote:As ever though if you have anything at all, absolutely anything at all you need to get off your chest and feel you just can't do it here, PM me, just please do say as much about anything as you want. I'm not a therapist or a qualified head space analyst of any kind, just someone with an unexplainable knack of understanding people a lot of the time and I am unconditionally yours to harrass, badger and pester anytime at all, so don't ever be afraid to speak to me about absolutely anything, because I give you my word I ma not going to quit on you unless you quit on me .
Keep believing in yourself and keep on pushing for what you want, you're doing great right now and I AM!!!! PROUD OF YOU .
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest