One thing you're doing is looking for reasons to self defeat.
Example. I didn't do Incline treadmill because a few times recently I thought I was going to cramp in my calves.
Swimming is not treadmill, so why assume if you were going to cramp when swimming, which you said felt possible, but didn't happen, that incline treadmill will encourage the same thing.
Perhaps when doing incline in the past, you might have cramped, but you're not going to cramp all the time you do something. You also didn't say you actually cramped, so you felt something that might have been a precursor to cramp, but perhaps not. If you were unsure then yes react to the possibility of cramp, because in a pool you don't want to be cramping, but if that was any other form of cardio that is land based, then take a moment, assess and continue.
You you let things like cramping get into your head you will hold yourself back, because you can't achieve things when you let little niggles get in the way.
You only have to look at Amber, (Hope4life), with her NF2, doing a half marathon I seem to recall, but still someone with a very difficult condition and needing surgery to remove spinal tumours, but she clearly understands her own limitations and after surgeries, no doubt, will have worked out how the benefits enhance her own ability.
Her ability to run races and the reltive finishing time,s assuming a finish is not the question therefore, it's the fact that belief in adversity, spurs the individual on to go for it and even if the individual fails to finish for whatever reason, does that make the choice wrong?
Not really, unless they have been strongly advised to avoid it, in case of aggravating an issue and then they ignroe the advice and do just that. Failing would feel dissapointing, but the belief in the persons actions would be, better to have tried and failed than let my own doubts put me off, to the point where I never did it at all, for fear my doubts would always put me off.
I believe I am not a long distance person, or have the patience to do the training. I'm 100% or nothing in that respect and with what I already do, I feel the extra time needed to train for road racing, would be too much and might be an excessive tole on my body.
What you need to do, is not say I will do this and sound like you have conviction, then puncture holes in it all, by saying stuff about problems being around crowds and not wanting to do something if you don't look right in a bathing suit, because if that's the case, don't set a goal, because you're as good as killing your chances within a few days or weeks of the goal.
I know someone who did a triathlon and has done more since and the first time she did one it was for a cause, but she suuffered an injury that hampered her, but she overcame it and even on the day had doubts, still feeling something and considered pulling out, but took NSAIDS and did it.
I asked her would she have pulled out if she was doing it puerly for her and not a cause and she thought it was quite possible, but I thought the next day I don't think she would have, because I believed her character was one that would not have done it, through fear that if she did, she'd always have the "bottled out" stigma hanging over her, everytime she tried something like that again. Something that might get in the way, forcing her to give up days before an event and I don't think she is like that.
If you give yourself a goal, you need to be more focused and show and give more conviction
. Your goal isn't even a massive thing, like a full triathlon or a full marathon or an iron man, it's an entry level triathlon, so you're not setting a high bar to aim for then placing a lot of enormity on your shoulders.
You're also placing unneccesary conditions on the end goal, then kind of flip-flopping on it as well, by having that way of looking at it, turned back on you, by someone like Karrie who says why this, why that, there's no need and the flip-flopping comes, from trying to make the conditions you place on this "want", suddenly seem a bit mroe flexible, with an "well we'll see" kind of attitude, because you feel forced to look more positive, or look like you're trying to find a happy medium, between your shooting your own goals down with reasons to fail and the persons outing of them, to avoid what you might see as more continued pressure from others to not bne like you're being.
As if you're saying to yourself, if I show just enough conviction in my goals, without being 100% about my goals, which for some reason(s) I can't be, I will get the raise your game types, pushing me to be more resolute, to hold back and ease off the inquisition, about my flimsy looking reasoning for potentially never reaching the goal.
What if you lost some weight and still felt inadequate looking in a swim suit? You're not in 3 monhts, going ot look 120lbs in weight as the timeframe is not long enough for that, but you could be that person if you want it badly enough, but if you don't like swimsuit you now, why would swimsuit you in 20lbs from now, suddenly be much less of a turn off to mass audience, which is what you're assuming the person you look like now would be.
The audience would probably admire you for having a go, but the few that wouldn't, would all be likely to be, people thinking dumbass crap about you but keeping it to themselves. You'd get probably a million to one shot, that someone saw you and blurted out a pea-brained comment, about someone who they believed had a body composition, somehow not worthy of a bathing suit image.
It's like someone saying "yeah I could do a bungee jump no problem," then being told there's a local show that includes bungee jumps a few miles away, hows about the individual and one or two others going down there and the individual back peddles and makes a lame excuse for their hasty boasting.
I'm not accusing you of boasting, but you've set yourself a goal which is not overly ambitious, but you're finding all sorts of wishy-washy reasons, to potentially kill your chances of success, long before the moment even comes and even when you are asked why is the behaviour being used and you're getting confronted by your own behaviour, you adopt the well we'll see, but I can't promise anything approach, which comes across as saying something you think the inquisitor wants to hear, but is remeniscent of a smokescreen for your stance on things, that has not and conceivably will not change at all.
The choice is simple here and believe me it is as simple as I'm going to put it. The goal is one you set, it's not overly-ambitious and potentially doable, but the question is simple; will you do it or not?
If you will do it, then commit, regardless of what you think mass audiences will do, or how you will look in a bathing suit, or whether you might do certain things sometimes and cramp, or suddenly get the onset of shin splits, or plantar fasciitis, or anything like that, because if those things might happen, you overcome them if possible and carry on.
If you have serious emotional niggles or concerns now, don't do the goal, but you'll prove to yourself, that you have made yourself into a weak character, who says more than they do and it will become a running theme throughout your life.
You'll be here in the future, always flitting from one way of eating to the next, or one way of exercising to the next, or one goal to another, because you'll keep finding little ways to sabotage yourself.
If you say I'll do this, I'll do this triathlon no matter what, unless it's just too physically difficult to enter, I.E. an accident at home causing a leg break for example, (fine), as opposed to I've got a slightly sore / stiff elbow I'll pull out, (weak excuse), then when it happens and you try, even if you do have to pull out through exhaustion, or some kind of agonising blister outbreak, or some other issue that forces people out of races, you'll feel dissapointed to pull out, but proud of having actually had the guts to say you'd do it and attempt to do it when it came to the crunch.
You can continue to live your life in the shadow of the emoption control medications and their perceived associations with your weight and your perceived idea of other peoples thoughts towards your weight, or you can break out of the shadows and be counted.
You can be proud of yourself for never giving up on yourself and thinking I'm overweight, it's my destiny to be overweight, I'm a second rate screw-up now, so why bother aiming higher than near the bottom of the pile, because you're not someone who thinks like that and you shouldn't. You have more self worth and respect, than to think of yourself in such a degrading and weak way and you ARE better than that, which is why you haven't given up on yourself.
However perseverence must be tempered with conviction. Many people embark on a physical journey with the intention to learn and achieve. Finding the perceived "best path", almsot always doesn't happen first time.
Have I tried every weight training method going? No. Did I ever need to? No; because my goal was never to be Ronnie Coleman's bitch wannabe; but did I try different things, rather than persist with the same thing from day one but with more intensity? Yes I did, because by trying a few things, I know what I like and don't, then I research a bit more about what I could do, that I haven't done already and whether I'd want to try such things and many I pass on, because I've got enough understanding of myself now, not to still be tinkering with things, to try and acheive something I was never in it for in the first place, which is what guys who want to be really big would do.
You've done and tried enough now, that continuously not settling on any way(s) for long, becomes a hinderance to progress, because how you train and eat, should be a more learned thing now. You should know more about what does and doesn't work, enough to find a groove and settle, but unless you do that and give your body a good chance to positively react, you'll constantly chop and change getting bits of forward and backwards momentum.
You're a beautiful person and you deserve to feel beautiful and until you stop putting unneccesary conditions on what you want to achieve, the person you can become will never happen, unless you use cheats like gastric surgeries, which people do with wishy-washy escuses, about I could never stick to a diet or I tried everything. Note: If they'd tried everything they'd have found what works and the way(s), to stick at it, then they wouldn't need cheat methods, they justify with stuff like "but you still have to eat sensibly, it's not a magic wand solution".
I know you would never go down that road, but how much, longer can you keep changing things, or making goals, you then litter with possible reasons to fail, or not see the goal through with.
I believe in you always will, because I don't put belief in people, who I think talk about stuff they are ill equipped to achieve.
I'm sure some people would really itch to do something like a Triathlon, but the wheelchair they might think of as some kind of second home, stops them doing it, but a memebr on this site with a partially debilitating condition, attempted to do something potentially harder than you and hats off to her, becasue I thought and always will think, she is an amazing person who I admire massively and rather than being bitter and resentful for her lot in life, she showed people on here a great beauty, that humbled me to the core and if she ever posts here again, nothing will change my view of her and I hope her life continues to get better because she is worth it so much.
You are worth it as well. You are someone who is very beautiful inside and deserve a better life, but stop ruining it with indecision and fishy excuses and people pleasing fob offs, when they call your excuses to task, because I'm seeing through that smoke and mirros behaviour and other will too.
No matter how hard what some of things I say might look like, it's always because I care and think a lot of you. fr oevery person on her that comes on and respects this site and its members, I will always care in some way, because they want to be proactive in the ways, this community exists like I do, so they are acting in others interests including mine, so I act in theirs too.
I'm sending you a BIG HUG
to show you I'm totally 10,000% behind you and will back you all the way on anything. You're my friend and valued member misses and I think you're a terrific person when you are at your most beautiful, but if you think I'll sit back while you half-heartedly commit to goals and flake too often on good choices with limp reasoning think again.
Stop being afraid to dare to dream and stop telling yourself what others are supposed to be thinking of you, when you don't know, or saying you can't do something in case you cramp. It's time to woman up and stop looking for the downsides so often and realise, that you can't beome the eprson you want, until you commit to a way forwards and be strong enough to believe in it for longer than a week or two at best.
People like me and Karrie are here for you and so are other people.and it's not about how often we comment, but how much we care and how we comment when we do. I feel like I want to be in the same room with you right now, hugging you for what seems like a lifetime, until you realise it's okay to want more, believe in more, be human, cry about every little insecurity you've ever harboured and hug you until I'm wet through with your tears, or sweating from all the warmth in your heart.
I know soon enough you'll "get it" and realise so much about yourself you're afraid to look for or see right now.and I spent over an hour writing this, to spill it out to you, because you mean something to me and I want you to understnad to what extent and how much I want you to achieve what you want.
Keep believing and don't be martyr to your own hang-ups, because you're better than that. You are someone with a very, very precious heart and you should be so proud of the ways(s), you can often touch people with it and i'm proud of you and I want you to find your own nirvana, or close to it, but how much are you willing to give? How much will you commit and not flip-flop and flannel others, with half-baked committals?
I can't force you to do anything, but I can care enough not to let you plod on in the slow lane to no mans land find a few crumbs of comfort along the way, because that's a well trodden path to nowhere or failure and many go there, but the route to happiness is never far away, as long as you're willing to look and find the way to turn around and go there. The slow lane to na-mans land, never leads to a place of no return, until you convince yourself you've arrived.
Until then the route to happiness is close enough to find and get to and that's where you need to be be sweetheart and where you deserve to be, so one day soon you can look and feel as good as you make others feel when you're truly shining from the inside out
Whatever road you go down, me Karrie and others will be there with you, so don't continue to be the person you were a year ago and two years ago. find something more, stick to it and let us help you to get there and giv in completely to our support and encouragement, because we're not here to persuade or try to cajole you into actions we know are not right for you, as that's not support and we want the best for you, even tough we have never met, because you matter to us none the less.
I hope you can finally start to understand, more of what you need to do and more about what other think of you and want for you. Be more decisive, be more committed and don't perceive situations to be negative because they may have been before, or might be.
Cut the emotional chaff from the wheat and use the wheat to nourish your mind and in turn help your body to grow in worth and appearance, because that person I see in some of your old photos existed once and can again and she looked like an absolute 24 carat peach of a Lady and you can be her again, so don't stop it happening okay