I want to send you a BIG HUG
I am so proud of you for this, because you have proven that you have learned quite a it from past experiences and can now put that learning and understanding into practice.
There will be tough times or bad moments in your life, but turning to poor food choices and frequent doses of them, will not allow you to overcome what you are like physically.
Makming these realisations about what cannot happen if you want to progress, is another sign of progress, because you need some kind of mental and emotional progress too, to make the physical progress happen, or it will stutter and probably stall, or go backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, never really helping you to achieve anything much in the way of progress and forward momentum.
So be proud of yourself and keep on pushing. You're a really lovely person Christina and we all want you to succeed and be happy, not for us but for YOU!!!