Jena's Journal.

[MissJenaKay]

I learned to make the necklace through trial and error. Haha. I'm just awesome. Lol. That and I've looked at a couple tutorials to pick up some ideas.

Thanks for the well wishes, I'm still dreading it. :/

[Boss Man]

Relax about the therapy I'm sure it will be fine.

You've got some really creative talents, so be proud of those, because you are REALLY good .

[MissJenaKay]

Relax about the therapy I'm sure it will be fine.

You've got some really creative talents, so be proud of those, because you are REALLY good .

Thanks, Boss. I'm just not looking forward to talking about the issues that I brought up to her. Also, I requested an appointment for a physical and I'm not looking forward to that either, especially since this is a new doctors office, I'm not going to a pediatrician anymore.

[Boss Man]

Not going to a Paediatrician anymore is no biggie. It just means the Doctor probably won't give you a sweetie if you play nice

[MissJenaKay]

The whole thing that is my issue is that I hate doctors. With a burning passion. And at least pediatricians are trained to be nice and kinda sugar coat things. I hate how inhuman regular doctors seem. I'm also panicking at the fact that the doctor I may be getting an appointment with is a man. I haaaaaate male doctors even more than I hate female ones. I don't like being touched, especially by people I don't know and even more so by men I don't know. I'm in the process of being approved as a patient. And I praying that I get denied so I have an excuse to give my mom as to why I cannot go to this particular doctor. I'm freaking out about it and I know it sounds really dumb, but yeah.

[musculargirl]

Just ask for a female doctor then. Clinics usually have both.

[MissJenaKay]

Sadly, this particular one doesn't. And it's the only office that is relatively near my house. I mean, I could go to a farther away place, but I'm hoping to avoid having to make my mother take time off of work to take me to my appointment. At this place, if my appointment is before my mother gets home from work, I can walk there. :/ :/ However, I'm thinking that maybe I should try somewhere else, even if it would inconvenience my momma.

The only female at this office is only a physician's assistant.

[musculargirl]

Some clinics have evening hours too. So your mother maybe wouldn't have to take time off work. Good Luck.

[MissJenaKay]

Yeah. I'm hoping to find something. If not, so be it, but I'd like to get something sorted out for at least while I'm in school so that I have somewhere to go while I'm home if I need/want to see a doctor. At school, they have a clinic that is part of the school, so I'm set there. Thanks, I need all the luck I can get sometimes. Haha.

[Boss Man]

I can appreciate your concerns Jena and obviously a male Doctor touching you might seem a bit uncomfortable, especially if perhaps you have a father, that in the past was not necessarily so open regards physical gestures, as some Fathers could be and so therefore you'd not be used to physical contact with men.

So you're not being abnormal, as your attitude towards Doctors is understandable and not many people like admitting they have some kind of physical problem, that needs sorting and do make excuses not to go.

In your case, you CAN be brave and you CAN do this, because it's what you need, the same with the therapist, so you can get a bit more insight into your physical, mental and emotional states and slowly but surely try to overcome the obstacles you're facing.

This is nothing to worry about, as most professionals are just that, professional and I'm sure you'll be fine.

So don't look for excuses to not go, because you'll just let yourself down and potentially hinder any relevant outcomes relating to it.

GOOD LUCK and no worries okay.

You CAN get through this, becasue you ARE capable.

[MissJenaKay]

Boss:: It's not as though my Dad was unaffectionate, I got plenty of hugs and such when I was young, it's just a paranoia thing. I hate being touched, I don't know why. It's weird. As for the appointment, I won't hear anything back until after the 11th. As for the mark about professionals, professional or not, it's still awkward to be felt up by a man you don't know who is twice or three times your age. I'm not going to make excuses and not go, but I'm going to complain about it and hate every millisecond of the process.

P.S. If I don't make sense, I've been awake for about 27 hours now. I just can't seem to get tired. But I definitely feel... out of it.

[Boss Man]

It's okay I understand .

Yes I might feel the same if I was 18 and had a medic of potentially over 40, giving me some kind of physical contact as part of an assessment.

The one thing you do though is not complain too much, because the harder you make it for them, the longer it will take obviously.

You're intelligent, so this is a chance to prove you can be mature about this. It's probably like public speaking in a way, the more it happens the more it gets easier to deal with, but for now, you just need to be strong and know that you CAN deal with this.

At least it won't be as big an ordeal, as say being in court accused of something you know you haven't done.

I'm sure it will be fine, so please do cut the Doctor some slack make it easier for both of you, because that really will help.

BIG HUGS to you Jena and no worries okay.

You're stronger than perhaps you realise. You may not believe it, but that sort of strength is within you, but you have to discover it. It depends how hard you want to look.

You will be surprised what you might find.

.

[MissJenaKay]

Boss, I've been seeing doctors since before I was born. And I still can't handle seeing them, I don't think it has gotten easier. Lol. But I'll do what I can to be mature.
When I said I'm going to complain about it, I didn't mean to the doctor, I meant in general, I'm going to complain and I'm going to want to cry.

I have severe issues with being exposed in any way or touched. I refuse to be seen by anyone (other than family) in anything less than mid bicep-length sleeves, and long jeans. Even around my family I wear nothing less than a pair of cut jeans that hit at the knee and a tank top. I own no shorts, no skirts, and no dresses, because I really hate the sight of my body that much. I refuse to show any skin more than I have to, especially in areas I dislike. So the whole, doctor thing acts against my normal feelings and actions. Hell, I'm so self-conscious about keeping covered up that I'm never even without a bra, as most women love to sleep braless, I cannot stand it. I get all freaked out thinking about it. I'm severely messed up in that department and so not only having to expose and sort of skin, but be touched as well makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry.

Well, now that I sound like a complete psycho, I'm going to go to bed. Haha. I will do my best to go through this whole doctor thing without getting too freaked while I'm there, but I can make no promises. Thankfully, I've got a little over a week before I even hear back whether or not I can even schedule an appointment. This whole dragging it out thing is driving me insane as well.

Mleh.

[Boss Man]

No Jena, you don't sound like a complete Psycho you sound normal. I don't doubt quite a lot of overweight people that don't like their bodies, feel consicous of revealing too much in public and don't wear things like shorts and don't like Doctors nosing at their body, because thay cannot abide their body and don't want others to see bits of themselves they can't even stand themselves.

So you don't sound abnormal, psychotic, freakish or anything like that, except to people that lack compassion and understanding and we tend not to get people like that here.

You are however quite a beautiful looking person facially and when you allow yourself to be, you're quite beautiful on the inside too and with time and patience you'll be more of that person physically and emotionally.

Though you CAN trust me when I say you ARE normal and you ARE human and it's perfectly okay and nothing to be ashamed, or embarrassed about.

I'm sending you a BIG HUG and letting you know I mean what I say and I never think less of you for anything you say, so chin up and keep believing okay.

[MissJenaKay]

I still feel like a freak, Boss, I'm the only girl I know that is so self-conscious that she won't even wear shorts or sleeveless shirts when it's 93 degrees Farenheit. :/ :/ Oh well. If you don't think I'm a freak, you can keep thinking that. Lol.