Jena's Journal.

[Boss Man]

It's okay I understand .

Yes I might feel the same if I was 18 and had a medic of potentially over 40, giving me some kind of physical contact as part of an assessment.

The one thing you do though is not complain too much, because the harder you make it for them, the longer it will take obviously.

You're intelligent, so this is a chance to prove you can be mature about this. It's probably like public speaking in a way, the more it happens the more it gets easier to deal with, but for now, you just need to be strong and know that you CAN deal with this.

At least it won't be as big an ordeal, as say being in court accused of something you know you haven't done.

I'm sure it will be fine, so please do cut the Doctor some slack make it easier for both of you, because that really will help.

BIG HUGS to you Jena and no worries okay.

You're stronger than perhaps you realise. You may not believe it, but that sort of strength is within you, but you have to discover it. It depends how hard you want to look.

You will be surprised what you might find.

.

[MissJenaKay]

Boss, I've been seeing doctors since before I was born. And I still can't handle seeing them, I don't think it has gotten easier. Lol. But I'll do what I can to be mature.
When I said I'm going to complain about it, I didn't mean to the doctor, I meant in general, I'm going to complain and I'm going to want to cry.

I have severe issues with being exposed in any way or touched. I refuse to be seen by anyone (other than family) in anything less than mid bicep-length sleeves, and long jeans. Even around my family I wear nothing less than a pair of cut jeans that hit at the knee and a tank top. I own no shorts, no skirts, and no dresses, because I really hate the sight of my body that much. I refuse to show any skin more than I have to, especially in areas I dislike. So the whole, doctor thing acts against my normal feelings and actions. Hell, I'm so self-conscious about keeping covered up that I'm never even without a bra, as most women love to sleep braless, I cannot stand it. I get all freaked out thinking about it. I'm severely messed up in that department and so not only having to expose and sort of skin, but be touched as well makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry.

Well, now that I sound like a complete psycho, I'm going to go to bed. Haha. I will do my best to go through this whole doctor thing without getting too freaked while I'm there, but I can make no promises. Thankfully, I've got a little over a week before I even hear back whether or not I can even schedule an appointment. This whole dragging it out thing is driving me insane as well.

Mleh.

[Boss Man]

No Jena, you don't sound like a complete Psycho you sound normal. I don't doubt quite a lot of overweight people that don't like their bodies, feel consicous of revealing too much in public and don't wear things like shorts and don't like Doctors nosing at their body, because thay cannot abide their body and don't want others to see bits of themselves they can't even stand themselves.

So you don't sound abnormal, psychotic, freakish or anything like that, except to people that lack compassion and understanding and we tend not to get people like that here.

You are however quite a beautiful looking person facially and when you allow yourself to be, you're quite beautiful on the inside too and with time and patience you'll be more of that person physically and emotionally.

Though you CAN trust me when I say you ARE normal and you ARE human and it's perfectly okay and nothing to be ashamed, or embarrassed about.

I'm sending you a BIG HUG and letting you know I mean what I say and I never think less of you for anything you say, so chin up and keep believing okay.

[MissJenaKay]

I still feel like a freak, Boss, I'm the only girl I know that is so self-conscious that she won't even wear shorts or sleeveless shirts when it's 93 degrees Farenheit. :/ :/ Oh well. If you don't think I'm a freak, you can keep thinking that. Lol.

[Boss Man]

Oh well. If you don't think I'm a freak, you can keep thinking that. Lol.

Try stopping me

[MissJenaKay]

Haha, Boss, I wouldn't dream of it.

In other news. I found an amazingly fun way to get some arm exercise in: Just Dance 2 for the Wii. It's so fun! My family and I played it for probably about 3 or 4 hours today. I love it! c:

[Boss Man]

Good job . If you can stick to that on a fairly frequent basis, your weight loss should start getting somewhere.

So keep believing yeah .

[MissJenaKay]

Wow. So, I'm not eating too much, I'm working out more frequently now and..... I gained 3.5 pounds. Really? I'm quite annoyed. This is dumb. I don't know what to do. :/

[Boss Man]

Could it be your TOM?

Have you increased Salt intake at all, as that could encourage water retention or Edema, (fluid buildup in the Legs).

Are you eating enough as opposed to too much? The body might be burning muscle, making your metabolism weaker and increasing Fat potential. A lb of added muscle, can help to burn 45-50 more calories, but too much Cardio reducing muscle, could create the opposite effect.

If you're not eating enough, like say 1,200 calories a day, you might be trying to burn calories you aren't eating and the body will hold onto fat, plus there's the potential eating into muscle reserves I mentioned.

Also are you weighing weekly at the same time of the day, I.E. first thing after a toilet trip on an with an empty stomach and bowls?

If the weight gain starts goin up too much, see a Doctor, it could turn out to be a Thyroid issue.

[MissJenaKay]

TOM?

Salt intake? Doubtful, I hate salty foods. :/

I think I'm eating enough. I haven't been stressing over calories because it stresses me out too much, I'm sticking to the eat every three or four hours thing though. I might be doing too much cardio, but then again, what I do to get my heart rate up is only precursor to things like lunges and squats, my arms aren't getting too much work considering I can't do pushups or anything like that, and I have no weights to use.

Weighing at exactly the same time of day? No, but it's only off by a few hours. Also, empty stomach, yes, empty bowels, I have no clue. (Awkward moment)

See a doctor about a thyroid issue? Wouldn't I be able to notice changes in the size of the gland? I mean, I feel my neck every so often, because I seem to have chronic congestion and I want to see if it's a cold or not and my glands feel exactly the same.

On another note, I worked out so hard today I felt like I was going to be sick. Never had that happen before. :c

[fitoverforty]

TOM?

my guess - "Time of month"

I worked out so hard today I felt like I was going to be sick

if you aren't eating enough and working out alot harder than you have been that can make you feel sick. It's hard to balance it all out.

I'm glad you found the Dance 2 wii. Sounds like fun!

[MissJenaKay]

my guess - "Time of month"

Oh..... uhm . . . I don't know...

if you aren't eating enough and working out alot harder than you have been that can make you feel sick. It's hard to balance it all out.

I'm glad you found the Dance 2 wii. Sounds like fun!

Ohh..... also, it's tons of fun, even my mom and dad will play it.

[Boss Man]

You might not be adding Salt to food, but if you're eating any pre-packaged meals, that are quite Salt laden, you could be consuming too much Salt per day causing water retention, so again it's not something to automatically rule out, unless you don't eat much if any pre-packaged goods.

By empty Bowels I simply meant after a toilet trip. If you're bowls and stomach are empty, then weigh, which first thing after a toilet trip they should be. Waste matter and undigested food can skew a weight reading as they are variables, you can factor out of the equation as stated above

As for development of any Thyroid issues, whether you could feel any swelling or not I couldn't say, but if the Thryoid was devloping a problem, causing metabolism problems and contributing to weight gain, then you'd know if you persisted with a decent eating and exercise regimen and you still put on weight.

There is a drug apprently that can cause rapid weight gain after being injected, which I think is called something like Deprovera or some such name, but unless you've had any medications recently, then any medicines that can cause weight gain as a side effect, can be ruled out.

Hopefully that clarifies better a few things I said initially .

[MissJenaKay]

You might not be adding Salt to food, but if you're eating any pre-packaged meals, that are quite Salt laden, you could be consuming too much Salt per day causing water retention, so again it's not something to automatically rule out, unless you don't eat much if any pre-packaged goods.

I don't eat prepackaged foods here at home, everything I eat is fresh or I cook it.

As for development of any Thyroid issues, whether you could feel any swelling or not I couldn't say, but if the Thryoid was devloping a problem, causing metabolism problems and contributing to weight gain, then you'd know if you persisted with a decent eating and exercise regimen and you still put on weight.

Well, I could have them check things out when I go to get my physical eventually.

There is a drug apprently that can cause rapid weight gain after being injected, which I think is called something like Deprovera or some such name, but unless you've had any medications recently, then any medicines that can cause weight gain as a side effect, can be ruled out.

Hopefully that clarifies better a few things I said initially .

I'm not on any medications and I haven't gotten any injections other than tetanus and hep A in a loong time. SO I don't think it's that.

Another update, I've somehow managed to gain another 5 pounds. . . I've regulated out my weighing times to right after I wake up after I use the restroom.

[fitoverforty]

my arms aren't getting too much work considering I can't do pushups or anything like that, and I have no weights to use.

there are some variations you might try like the wall pushup:

or tricep dips using a chair or edge of couch:

as you get stronger you can decrease the amount of incline on the pushups (use chair edge instead of wall) til you can do them from the floor with your knees bent (girl style) and eventually a full legs straight pushup.
On the dips you can start out with your legs bent like the picture shows and then to add some difficulty do them with your legs straight.
Stay at it Jena, I'm not sure what the recent weight gain is from - but just keep doing the exercises and eating healthy and things will level out soon and start to move in the direction you want.