Jena's Journal.

[MissJenaKay]

Washed my hair today.... Discovered that I now must devote time to straightening my hair every day... The cut looks absolutely horrendous without it being straight.... :c

[Martin-Boy2]

Ugh i feel you. Every time i go to the hairdressers i come back thinking it looks worse. Although i know i need mine done as it's getting too long and will get it done next week, may take pics lol.

The good thing is Jena - It grows back!! Most of the time lol.

[MissJenaKay]

Ugh i feel you. Every time i go to the hairdressers i come back thinking it looks worse. Although i know i need mine done as it's getting too long and will get it done next week, may take pics lol.

The good thing is Jena - It grows back!! Most of the time lol.

Haha, well, darling, at least you can't end up looking like a girl with a hair cut. xD Anyway, I'm hoping it grows on me.

[Boss Man]

Actually I thought you looked beautiful in the photo, no really, I thought you actually looked quite striking .

As for being psoitive, I tend to stay posiitve by surrounding myself with positive people and goofing off sometimes.

In reality, if you want to stay positive, don't look for the little faults.

You can say hey I'm actually logging my food consistently.

I'm being more consistent with my exercise.

I've lost 6.8lbs of weight, which is better than 6 or 0.

I'm intelligent.

I am very artistic.

People on this site say genuine things about my looks and the person I can be sometimes when I want to be.

These people are here for me, so I have more people who care, than I realise.

There's reasons to be positive and other positives include focusing on what things you could do after your studies are finished. The world of possibilities you could have and yes the the positives being your life versus that of so many others, but I'm not going to go into depth about that, as I know it doesn't really do anything for you.

You have a lot of positives that you can use, to distract you from the so-called faults. Let the good things be a way of improving how you feel and progress.

.

Oh yeah and short hair actually works on you. Not necessarily how you wanted it to know, but there's still a lot you can do with short anyway if you're female. It's all about imagination.

[MissJenaKay]

Actually I thought you looked beautiful in the photo, no really, I thought you actually looked quite striking .

You on crack?? Lol.

In reality, if you want to stay positive, don't look for the little faults.

I don't look for the faults on purpose.... I just happen to notice one and then it just kinda gets out of control.

Oh yeah and short hair actually works on you. Not necessarily how you wanted it to know, but there's still a lot you can do with short anyway if you're female. It's all about imagination.

I don't have a lot of imagination when it comes to short hair... Especially since I hate my forehead and ears being uncovered. Lol.

Today's Totals.

Calories - 1426
Exercise - 257
Net Calories - 1169
Fat - 33
Carbs - 176
Fibre - 10
Sugar - 62
Protein - 99
Sodium - 2072

[MissJenaKay]

Kinda phoned in my workout this morning, I cut it short because I was starting to feel nauseous. I'll try to toss in another workout later, but that's depending on how I feel. I've also come to the conclusion that I hate my new haircut when it comes to working out. It's not long enough to get it all off my neck and out of my face when I put it up, so then I end up having to use tons of bobby pins which leads to giving me headaches, I don't know why the bobby pins give me a headache, but they do.. :/ Oh well, I'll see what I can do to get more of a workout later this evening.

[feelin-great]

Actually I thought you looked beautiful in the photo, no really, I thought you actually looked quite striking .

You on crack?? Lol.

I happen to agree with Boss Man - you don't see yourself the way others do. I think he used a great word - you really are striking

[MissJenaKay]

Actually I thought you looked beautiful in the photo, no really, I thought you actually looked quite striking .

You on crack?? Lol.

I happen to agree with Boss Man - you don't see yourself the way others do. I think he used a great word - you really are striking

If that's what you want to think, you may think that. I personally disagree, but you're allowed to have your opinion.

[Boss Man]

That's good of you to let us crack heads have an opinion

Not sure about the pins in your hair giving you headaches, because unless you've been using them like acupuncture needles and actually sticking them in your head, then I'm a little stumped.

[MissJenaKay]

That's good of you to let us crack heads have an opinion

Not sure about the pins in your hair giving you headaches, because unless you've been using them like acupuncture needles and actually sticking them in your head, then I'm a little stumped.

You know, most people wouldn't let you crackies have your opinions. Lol.
Haha, I think it's because each one puls a little little and so when there's a bunch I end up up with a headache from my hair being pulled.

Update for the day: Today was an absolutely horrible day, didn't exercise hard or long enough, ate well, but ended up crying for a good two hours and ended up slipping into my bad habit so I'm disappointed by that. I've got a lot of stuff being thrown at me all at once and I'm not sure how to handle it. Also discovered today that I don't really know who I am. I've spent all my time in my life trying so hard to be what people wanted from me that I don't know who I am. The only thing I know that IS me that I'm an artist. It's the only thing that I've kept as my own through all these years. Speaking of art, after a particulary rough time today, I retreated to my room with a moleskine and some fineliners. I decided that for something new I would draw only using the fineliners so every mark would have to be incorporated unless I wanted it to look like a mistake. I came up with this. I guess you could say it kinda plays out my identity issue at the moment. I didn't mean for it to really do that, but I guess it makes sense. They say that when you draw without an aim, your mind works itself out on the paper. There are a couple mistakes I had to deal with (originally the mask was plain white but I have a habit of dropping my liner I guess....) so those are a little more intentional, but meh. I'm not pleased with it, but it was a good way to just escape the world for a while.

Today's Totals

Calories - 1420
Exercise - 176
Net Calories - 1244
Fat - 39
Carbs - 155
Fibre - 10
Sugar - 51
Protein - 107
Sodium - 2305

[MissJenaKay]

Woke up really late today (11:30am) as opposed to my usual 9... I think I'm going to take things a little different today. I usually try to have my workout done by 12 so even if I wake up at 10 I'll eat and then workout at 11, but today, I'm going to space it out a little after I ended up nauseous working out yesterday. Since I woke up a little late yesterday as well, I ate and then immediately worked out and I don't think my tummy liked that so I'm going to give it two hours before I work out. Then my post-workout meal will be 3 hours after breakfast which spaces things out perfectly for me. c: I think I might weigh myself today again considering this week, on weigh-in day I was menstrual so I may have been bloated or something . Lol. Sorry if that is TMI. Anywho, I'm feeling better today because after my meltdown yesterday, I went on a chat on an art site that I haven't been on in forever and ended up talking for a very long time to a sweet boy from Manchester. Haha, it was quite nice. Still not feeling a hundred percent considering a lot of stuff went down yesterday, but I'll get through this I guess.

[fitoverforty]

They say that when you draw without an aim, your mind works itself out on the paper

I think it is brilliant. Beautiful. And I think it captures perfectly the emotions and feelings you have been working through lately. I love it. It is a gift to be able to draw, but it is a true talent that can transfer thoughts and emotion to paper and bring the viewer into their world of feelings and experience.
I wrote something once to describe my art & the feeling I want others to experience when they view it, it went something like this: "look past the obvious - see beyond the visual" Your work does just that.

The only thing I know that IS me that I'm an artist. It's the only thing that I've kept as my own through all these years.

Yes you are. Hold on to that. I understand what you are saying, there has been so much happen in my life, and I've lost my way, many times - but i always had my art and poetry to hold onto, one thing that I could count on to remind me of who I am. It will serve you well your entire life.

[MissJenaKay]

Thanks, Lynne. I may go immerse myself in drawing again today as it, so far has been just as turbulent as yesterday. I guess it is true that depression is a great learning tool for artists. When I'm depressed I draw SO much more than when I'm feeling okay.

In workout related news, since my brother would not let me use our TV in the livingroom, I tried working out using my DDR stuff in my bedroom. I discovered that floors are not good for jumping and fast steps in my room, I knocked three things of my dresser with my bouncing.... Then when I went to pick everything up, I cracked the plastic in one of my poster frames. I now must convince my mother to buy me a new poster frame... *groan* Not having a good week this week. And This is my lasst weekend at home. A week from right now, I'll be in Chicago, likely picking up my UPass for school.

[Boss Man]

You're a supreme talent Jena .

I can see how that picture externalises what you feel and I know you'd probably feel about your art, the way you do about your studies and feel negatively of anything that doesn't meet a pre-defined standard, but you're capable of something many aren't.

What you could do to follow up on that, is now that you have picture that describes the differing emotions you display at various times, why not do one that describes the emotions you want to feel in the future?

Maybe it would show a person who is more happy, or perhaps still questioning the world from a good perspective.

Maybe if you discover the person you think you could be, by drawing / creating her, it might make you more able to want that inner self more, and make the pursuit of her, a strong and continued focus in your life, just like your studies are .

[MissJenaKay]

You're a supreme talent Jena .

I can see how that picture externalises what you feel and I know you'd probably feel about your art, the way you do about your studies and feel negatively of anything that doesn't meet a pre-defined standard, but you're capable of something many aren't.

What you could do to follow up on that, is now that you have picture that describes the differing emotions you display at various times, why not do one that describes the emotions you want to feel in the future?

Maybe it would show a person who is more happy, or perhaps still questioning the world from a good perspective.

Maybe if you discover the person you think you could be, by drawing / creating her, it might make you more able to want that inner self more, and make the pursuit of her, a strong and continued focus in your life, just like your studies are .

Thanks, Boss, I might try that, it's just that the idea I've got for it may be beyond my skill set at this point in time. I'll see if I can swing it though. We'll see what happens, okay?

Today's Totals
Calories - 1045
Exercise - 220
Net Calories - 825
Fat - 27
Carbs - 113
Fibre - 8
Sugar - 51
Protein - 88
Sodium - 1145

Tomorrow I will likely not eat well. I will try, but since it's my last weekend at home, my grandmother and grandfather are going to take us out to dinner. I will try to make sure that I get up and workout and whatnot. I'm also going to do a weigh-in, I've decided that I'm going to weigh on Saturdays and Wednesdays if possible. I'm pretty sure that that won't be possible at school since I have morning classes on Wednesdays. But we'll see what happens once I get there. I'm just going to focus on making the next week a good one.