MissJenaKay wrote: got my tutoring job back, however, I'm working an hour less so far this year which makes me sad, because I need to earn as much as possible. I'm thinking of looking for some occasional babysitting work or something.
On the eating front, I've noticed this year, that I've been indulging myself in sweets a little too often because it makes me feel better for a while if I have a little sugar spike while doing work that I'm stressed out about. I've got so much on my plate and I feel like I never get any of it done. I've been on the verge of tears for about an hour now and I feel like self-harming, but I promised a friend that I care about very much that I wouldn't do it anymore. And I'm really regretting that promise.... I can't cry, I can't cut, I can't do anything to make myself feel okay. I feel like I'm drowning and there's nothing I can do to save myself. I hate when I feel like this and I hate talking about it because it makes me feel like people are going to think I just want attention. And stupidly enough, that is partially true, because if I can keep myself occupied with someone else, I don't have to worry about the shit that is going on.... I desperately want to be happy and feel okay just because I can, I don't want to pretend to be happy and okay anymore. But there's nothing I can do it seems. Nothing I try works.
musculArgirl2 wrote:Your not alone Jena we all go through things that are tough and painful. Cutting yourself is harming yourself when your emotions are raw. You would regret it down the road. You've got a lot going for you just try and remember that. Hope you feel better soon.
Nokie173 wrote:I agree. You’re not alone. My fianceé was also a cutter but we worked things through and he is very happy he saw a positive side of life. Being optimistic will help you find a better and peaceful path. However, I know there will be times we all get negative but being pessimistic makes it harder to pick yourself up. We do tend to be hard on ourselves but give yourself a break and love yourself for being you! I know it’s corny and I know it’s online… but I hope you can see YOU are a BEAUTIFUL person and you have to keep that in mind.
amatlack wrote:You know what's painful?
Instead of cutting yourself to cause some pain, how about lacing up the sneakers and going for a run? It releases endorphins, which will make you feel better; it will help you lose weight, which will help you feel better; it will give you something to do other than eat, which will help you feel better; and it will get your mind off of whatever else is bothering you. Plus, it hurts, which is what you seem to be going for anyway.
Boss Man wrote:Jena, you have ALWAYS been worth it sweetheart. I think when you want to be you can be amazing and beautiful. That person exists inside of you and every now and again we get to see some of that person.
Someone who is artistic, intelligent, human, funny, caring, shiny, quirky / different in a really unique and good way and someone that possesses the qualities of a proper Lady.
You are capable of being that person when you allow yourself to be and I am so proud of you for being who you are now and trying hard to look after yourself, be honest and decent and persue your education.
I know it's never going to be easy, because of things you have experienced in life, that have shaped you in sometimes negative ways, but no matter what happens, the time you spend trying to improve yourself, physically, mentally an emotionally, will always be worth it, because you ARE worth it.
It might not seem like it now, but I believe 10,000% that life WILL get a bit easier for you in the future, once you can finish your education and start to pursue your goals and dreams in life.
Skully, (Amna), was like you not so long back. Struggling to believe in herself, self loathing, hating her life, but you know how she's turned out and that could be you too. someone that comes through the other side and finds more of the happiness they deserve to feel, know and experience.
Don't give up on that, because people like me won't give up on you or the future we believe might happen for you.
Your human capabilities are something to be proud of and you can be such a sweetheart sometimes and just touch people like me and I am proud of you and I want you to get more from life and if you allow yourself the chance(s), in life to find more of what you deserve, then anything more likely to happen .
BIG HUGS and best wishes to you.
musculArgirl2 wrote:Just hang in there Jena. I think you've said you are bipolar before. maybe you could talk to your doctor about meds and such? I don't know if need to take meds or if you don't but just giving it as a suggestion. Meds can suck but they can also really help people. I know it would be hard adjusting to meds though with school and such.
We are here for your support. I feel bad you are going through a tough time. Hope you feel better soon.
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