Jena's Journal.

[Nokie173]

You can try to stretch you lower back and you can use Bengay cream?

[Boss Man]

Keep believing and keep trying to find any positives you can.

We are here for you sweetheart.

GOOD LUCK.

[MissJenaKay]

I've figured out that I get my back pain whenever I lie on my back of extended periods, like if I doze off while lying on my back or something like that. I'm going to go to the gym a little later (like in an hour) and I'm going to weigh myself, hopefully there has been no more gain with all the stress lately.

[MissJenaKay]

Hey all went to the gym and whatnot tonight. I'm back up to 239. Which means I'm back to only an 11 pound loss. But that's still one pound less than when I first got back to school! Yay bright side. Also, next quarter is looking like it will be much better for workouts since my schedule is much much more open. I'm looking for a winter break job back home so I can save up and go to Europe, but that isn't looking so great right now. :/ We'll see what happens though.

[musculArgirl2]

Hey all went to the gym and whatnot tonight. I'm back up to 239. Which means I'm back to only an 11 pound loss. But that's still one pound less than when I first got back to school! Yay bright side. Also, next quarter is looking like it will be much better for workouts since my schedule is much much more open. I'm looking for a winter break job back home so I can save up and go to Europe, but that isn't looking so great right now. :/ We'll see what happens though.

Wish you luck on the winter break job! That's not like you to look at the positive side of things. 11 is still great!

[MissJenaKay]

Thanks, Becky! I'm just in such a good mood to go home and I'm just very thankful my gain hasn't been worse with how badly I've been eating and how little time I've been able to commit to workouts.

[Boss Man]

Keep believing in yourself, because you ARE worth it .

[MissJenaKay]

Turned nineteen today. Was lovely. But mleh in a pretty down mood now...

[fitoverforty]

Happy birthday Jena

[musculArgirl2]

happy birthday!

[Boss Man]

I'm wishing you the best year of your life. I think this might be possile in light of your past, but I want you to know I AM SO PROUD OF YOU for not giving up on yourself, I really am.

I'm sending you a BIG HUG and lot of WARM WISHES. When you you let yourself be you can be an absolute sweetheart and a really lovely young Lady, so have a great year, well as great it can be and keep believing in yourself .

I won't stop believing in you unless you stop believing in me and you have earned every kind word you have gotten off me, because you have merited them. I know you can be so much more of a person, if you continue to have just a small ounce of belief in that and a bit of trust in people like me, that just want the best for you and want you to be happy, healthy and feel something close to hat you might deem "normal".

GOOD LUCK Jena and please keep letting us know how you are getting on, because you have a right to be happy and live well and as a community, we ARE committed to helping you find more of the wellness and happiness you deserve.

.

[MissJenaKay]

Been really scattered and emotional lately. But I get on a train to head home tomorrow (Wednesday) night and I'll arrive home about midday on Turkey Day :p Yesterday (Meaning Monday) My roommate and went to Gamestop and she bought a Wii because she wanted something for her freetime over break. We bought a ton of dancing games and we danced just her and I yesterday for about 2 hours and today she, my other roommate and I danced for about 2 hours and then another 4 hours when our friend Becky came over. So much dancing. My lungs kinda hurt and my arms, legs, and back are really sore and tired, but it was amazingly fun and it was a great way to spend my last full eveming here in Chicago until next quarter. I can't wait to go home though, I miss my dogs, I miss really good healthy food, I miss real cooking, I miss my family, I miss having no huge responsibilities and I absolutely ADORE the holidays.

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes by the way. C:

[Boss Man]

Have a great time in the coming weeks. You deserve it .

You look great by the way, you've given yourself a really grown up and feminine look about you, since you've adapted your appearance slightly .

Whatever happens in the coming weeks, I know you can make inroads into your weight issue, but I know it will be a little difficult to stay focused, during what for many is often a period of laxity, in regards to things like eating, but I know you can do this, if you put your mind to it and I am very proud of you for never giving up and believing the way you are is the way you will always be, because it doesn't have to be like that.

i know you don't externalise some of your inner slef as much as you have done in the past and I know you say, that is not down to simply more emotional achievement, but moreso you choosing to to externalise as much, but I think there must be some kind of emotional and mental improvement, in relation to how often you choose decry your life and its downsides and I personally think you have made some progress in how you express yourself and that in part may be down to you actually starting to get physical progress and better rationalising life choices that affect it, instead of approaching certain things with an "I can't" mentality.

I'm sure you'll have your own thoughts on this as to whether you agree or disagree in part or in full and I won't say that the maelstrom of emotions you've developed in your life, will become less fluctuating and more controlled in the near future, but I sense there is a little more calming about you as a person and I think you're discovering more ability to find happy moments and more ability to recognise when you have done well and can be proud of yourself.

It's been a hard year for you and it's not been always easy to read about how you feel or your expressions of your inner self, but I have never stopped finding a sense of courage, heart, strength and beauty from your words, because many people would not find the attributes needed, to write about a difficult past and so they wouldn't.

It's to your credit that you have managed to detail some of what you have experienced in life and go through and though it's undoubtedly hard to write it for sure, I want you to be proud of letting us know how you feel and for being brave enough to talk to us .

That thing you said to me privately some weeks ago, (which I will not disclose publicly for privacy reasons), that you thought you could never externalise, gave both of us a challenging exchange and it may have made you feel pretty negative at the time and feeling like you would not get any positives out of doing it, but again I was so, so proud of you for facing down a very hard and difficult experience you'd gone through and I mean that so much, I really was so proud of you Jena and yes I knew it was arguably one of the hardest things you'd ever done in your life, but it was such a beautiful and brave thing to do and I admire you immensely for it sweetheart I really do.

No matter what you think of yourself or indeed me for that matter, I know the person you can be sometimes, that supports and looks out for people on here sometime is a part of you that can become more prominent as time goes by and you will learn to see that part of you as something that can be projected outwards a lot more often.

There is only one Jena Kay that I know of and I know you have made progress physically, mentally and emotionally since you first came here and you have my undying admiration for that, because you proved me right, about how I thought you could become a more progressive person that could positvely change to some degree, no matter how long it took.

You are one of those people I knew was always going to be a difficult person to help and support and could be a potential waste of my effort, if you just said screw you and left, but I never stopped believing in you and I won't stop that, unless you do it to me first.

I know your life isn't perfect, but as long as this site exists, with any luck, you will always have me in your corner, to shout at, rant at, talk to, let go of hurt with, ease pain with, laugh with, smile with, continue to learn with and just be as flexible and adaptable to you as I think I can be.

So I want to give you my guarantee that I will be here for you when I can be and I want you to try and take a little or as much time when you can, to be here for myself and others too, so we can help to give you that added "X" that I think you deserve in your life to help you change the things about you you don't like.

WELL DONE, for simply making it this far, seriously WELL DONE, because a small 0.1% of me on one or two occasions, thought you'd give up on yourself, tell us all thanks but no thanks and disappear, with no way of us knowing how good or bad things were progressing.

You DO have it what it takes to progress further, you just need to know that and believe in it to some degree even if you don't completely believe, because some belief will help you to not give up .

So I'm sending you another BIG, BIG HUG.

You are part of our community and our extended family of sorts and I want you here with us for a long time to come, sharing in our journeys and having as much of our strength, positivity and humanity as you can, because you ARE worth it and you DO deserve it.

THANK YOU again, for the heart, humanity and compassion you've given to a few people and for trying to respect and understand those of us, that reached out to you and just gave you the space to be you, it means a lot and I hope 2012 will be the best year of your life and hopefully the happiest and most successful year of your life.

Together you and us the community, will work to help you find and get more of the life you should have had and richly deserve and I want you to believe that because we will do that and of course that includes me .

Chin up, keep smiling and best wishes and YES that is a beautiful picture of you and it highlights the person inside, that you ARE capable of being .

[MissJenaKay]

You look great by the way, you've given yourself a really grown up and feminine look about you, since you've adapted your appearance slightly .

Aww, thanks, Boss. I've been doing a decent amount of shopping lately. It's been kinda fun, kinda depressing, but expensive too. Haha. Well, I needed some new shirts, so I figured why not get some new ones that look a little more grown up. c:

That in part may be down to you actually starting to get physical progress and better rationalising life choices that affect it, instead of approaching certain things with an "I can't" mentality.

In all actuality, I've made no more progress since I went to school, however, I feel like being around the roommates I have this year has been a huge plus for me. The girls I'm living with are two of my best friends at University and everything is running very well. c: It's helped me a lot to feel better about everything I think.

WELL DONE, for simply making it this far, seriously WELL DONE, because a small 0.1% of me on one or two occasions, thought you'd give up on yourself, tell us all thanks but no thanks and disappear, with no way of us knowing how good or bad things were progressing.

I never quit, Boss. No matter how frustrating and upset I may get about things, I never give up. c:

Thanks for being there and being so amazingly helpful. And not just Boss, but everyone else on these forums that have had any sort of interaction with me.


As for an update on the weight and what not, I weighed myself this morning and I am at 242.3 that is only the tiniest bit higher than what it was when I went to school, so even though I gained a few pounds back, I'm glad I did enough to at least keep the weight that I gained before going back to Uni. I'm hoping to do a lot more working out and healthy cooking while I'm home and I'm going to work out a schedule of workouts before I even get back to school so that once I get back, I can just jump in and keep up the progress. I'm really hoping to get at least down to 200 before my trip in June and I know that I can do it if I work hard. c: I figure if I lose about 8 pounds a month I can get to that goal and then some. So two pounds a week is my goal. I've got some new dancing games that I can play and I've still got the workout videos on digital cable that I can workout with, I've also got a guy here that wants to workout with me too. I'm not sure how I feel about that though.... Haha. I'm also hoping to get back to tracking my foods and workouts so that I'm more accountable for what I'm eating. Today I'll start back into that.

I'll start this and update it as the day goes on I think.

10:00
- Wake up (feels GREEEAAATT to sleep in here at home)
10:20
- 3/4c Cereal [[Calories 130, Fat 3, Carbs 25, Fibre 2, Sugar 10, Protein 1]]
- 1/2c Fat Free Milk [[Calories 45, Fat 0, Carbs 6.5, Fibre 0, Sugar 6, Protein 4]]
2:30
- 2 pieces lasagna [[Calories 760, Fat 22, Carbs 100, Fibre 7, Sugar 5, Protein 53.6]]
5:15
- 2 Poptarts (crappy I know) [[Calories 410, Fat 10, Carbs 75, Fibre 1, Sugar 33, Protein 4]]

Yes, I ate pretty terribly today, but I need to get my mother to go grocery shopping before I can start eating well again. So there's going to be a rough few days.

[Boss Man]

8lbs a month is perfectly reasonable and is not overly realistic, because someone of your proportions could get around 10-12 a month and it could be pretty much all fat, so you're not being overly ambitious, or setting yourself too tough a target based on past progress .

It's great to see a more positive outlook for you and I'm not going to stop believing in you .