Is there any worse nightmare for most men then being a failure in the bedroom? It is by no coincidence that we are bombarded with advertising for drugs aimed at treating erectile dysfunction during televised sporting events and our favorite evening prime time shows. Viagra®, Cialis®, and Levitra® are absolutely three of the hottest selling pharmaceuticals of all time! There is a good reason for this, as sexual health problems are not only real, but becoming an epidemic. It just so happens that a majority of men, at some time in their lives, will at least experience a mild form of erectile dysfunction. For some, that may mean a few isolated incidents, but for others, it can happen with alarming and depressing regularity. Oh and women, I haven’t forgotten you! Lack of desire, vaginal dryness, and trouble achieving orgasm are just a few examples of what plagues the modern woman in the bedroom. For some, it isn’t any kind of sexual ‘failure’ per say, but simply lousy lovemaking. Mundane to approaching boring is the complaint of more than a few couples. What can we do? While the drugs mentioned above have a high rate of success, at $10-$15 a dose, they are no bargain. Worse yet, most health insurance programs won’t cover their prescriptions. How do we recover (or rediscover) our sexual health? Believe it or not, success in the bedroom is almost 100% achievable without prescriptions. We need to both have sex and have it great! Let’s look at the three key areas to work on to dramatically improve our sexual experiences.
First of all, sex is healthy and a health fitness topic. It is by no mistake that you are reading this on a website dedicated to getting in better shape. It is also important to note that to have great sex, it best to be in great health. The three key areas of focus are desire (libido), performance and mentality. More to the point, testosterone, blood flow and psychological factors that influence virility and make sex the incredible experience it should be. Let’s look at testosterone first and the impact it has on bedroom performance.
When we think of testosterone, we think of mostly a male hormone, and one that fuels the most masculine aspects of men at that. The hormone that drives men to go on a quest, slay the dragon, climb the tower and rescue the damsel (or princess). It is also the hormone, in both men and women, linked to sexual desire. Testing for testosterone is not a bad idea if you notice any sort of issue with a sagging libido. Testing is either done by blood or by less invasive saliva. Check with your urologist and see about getting tested. Normal ranges of total testosterone are said to be in the range of 350-1250 nanograms per deciliter of blood. However, many urologists report that sexual desire in men is often still lacking in the lower part of that range (350-650 ng/dl). Many experts agree that for sex drive itself, a total testosterone range of 700 ng/dl is preferred. Unfortunately, Viagra®, Cialis®, and Levitra® don’t have any effect on desire. Their success is dependent upon arousal. So, how can we naturally increase the serum levels of testosterone in our bodies to give us a new-found libido? Below is a checklist of must do’s that will have you back in the sack and begging for more in just a few months.
To optimize your testosterone levels, lose the excess fat, especially around your midsection. Men who are 30% or more over their ideal bodyweight, tend to experience a sharp decrease in testosterone levels, and thus desire. The same can be said if you are too much under your ideal bodyweight. If body fat levels get too low, a decrease in testosterone can also be expected. Wrestlers and bodybuilders both, around competition times when cutting their body fat to 5% or less, will often experience a sharp decline in libido. Get on a calorie adequate nutrition program, exercise correctly and watch your sexual desire hit all time highs.
How do we eat for maximum testosterone? Balanced mainly, focusing on adequate lean protein sources, plenty of fibrous vegetables, some whole fruit and a few whole complex carbohydrates, and moderate amounts of healthy fats (especially monounsaturated forms like olives, avocados, and raw nuts plus some essential fatty acids from fish or fish oils). If you are over fat, simply strive for 1 g of protein, 1 g of wholesome carbs, and 0.5 g healthy fats per every pound of lean body mass. If you are under fat, increase the carbs to 2 g per pound of lean body mass.
Watch The Booze
Not only will alcohol consumption handicap your fat loss efforts, but it is definitely the enemy of testosterone. Alcohol raises levels of the stress hormone cortisol, a primary testosterone antagonist, suppressing testosterone production for up to 24 hours. If you believe you need a drink (or several) to get in the mood, you are severely misguided. A glass of wine now and then with a romantic dinner is okay, but a bender at the bar is going to do nothing but hurt your sexual life.
Soy protein foods and protein isolates have been shown to decrease testosterone levels in several studies. This is possibly due to the phytoestrogen compounds that soy contains. It could also be that soy may negatively impact the endocrine system, disrupting normal hormone production. In any case, limit or avoid soy as much as possible.
Stop Stressing Out
Don’t stress! I bet that sounds easy enough, but for most people, the hardest thing in their lives to limit. We can try to avoid stress, but it will find us. Try practicing breathing exercises, yoga or meditation. Also, normalize sleep patterns and exercise. While stress will always be around, we can always minimize it with a healthy lifestyle.
Resistance exercise using heavy weights is the number one way to increase testosterone. There is a synergistic balance between weightlifting and testosterone levels. Your body will make more testosterone to repair damaged muscle from workouts, then with the more muscle mass you now have, more testosterone is naturally floating around in your blood stream. Not to mention that your partners desire will also pick up when he/she sees the results, a firm chiseled body built by iron and used for love, on them.
Rest is a hugely important factor in optimizing hormone levels. Lack of sleep raises cortisol levels much like alcohol consumption and heavy stress. Aim for 7-9 hours a night and be consistent with bedtimes. Avoid caffeine in the pm hours and alcohol as much as possible.
DIM is actually Diindolymethane, a phytochemical found in cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, cabbage varieties and cauliflower. It is not a testosterone booster per say, but an estrogen reducer. Estrogen is a female hormone, that makes women what they are. It is also another testosterone antagonist. Unfortunately, most women produce far too much estrogen because of poor health habits. Men carry estrogen as well, but typically much less than women. Men are also estrogen heavy these days for the same reasons as women… can you say man boobs? You can supplement with this or simply eat a ton of broccoli and cabbage, either way, less estrogen means more testosterone available.
So, now we have our desire back, but the function isn’t there. Have you men ever experienced either not being able to achieve an erection or maintain one of ample firmness to have successful intercourse? Have you women lacked vaginal wetness and had to either endure painful intercourse or rely on over-the-counter lubricants? If so, you are not alone! It can be frustrating and depressing! It is the main selling point of Viagra®, Cialis®, and Levitra®. These drugs function as vasodilators due to the action of inhibiting the production of the enzyme PDE-5. Once PDE-5 is blocked, Nitric Oxide is freed up and vasodilation occurs, which is a widening of blood vessels. Increased blood flow is the result. Is there a way to naturally do this and avoid these expensive prescriptions? You bet!
Specifically, L-Arginine increase Nitric Oxide production. While the act of suppressing PDE-5 is not involved, the more Nitric Oxide, the greater the blood flow anyway. Turkey, fish, eggs and nuts are great sources of Arginine. You can also take this as a supplement, either in direct form or in a timed release form. Expect a few weeks of consistent use to achieve the desired results. The nice thing about arginine is that it is an amino acid and non-stimulant.
Plain and simple, exercise in almost any form increases blood flow and more blood flow means stronger and more lasting erections. It also means more vaginal lubrication. With working out, there really is no substitute and little downside as you get sexier, friskier, and then get it good more regularly because the blood is going where it should.
Excess caffeine, ephedra, cold medicines, and aspartame are all vasoconstrictors. These are working against blood flow and highly inadvisable to be taken any time close to coitus. While your morning coffee will likely have little effect on your roll in the hay that evening, you should avoid these items within 6-12 hours of sex, especially if you have ever experienced impotency. Aspartame and cold medicines are primary examples.
If you have high blood pressure, you need to lower it. This alone is a primary reason for age related impotence. Lower blood pressure means more blood volume engorging vessels. The best way to lower blood pressure is by eating a balanced, whole foods nutrition regimen including lots of essential fatty acids from fish or fish oil, vegetables and lean proteins and getting plenty of exercise and sleep. Most cases of high blood pressure can brought under control this way.
Avoid Blood Pressure Meds
Sound contradictory to the above recommendations? It is, but if you suffer from extreme hypertension, take blood pressure medication only until you get it under control, then it is really best to wean off these meds and control your hypertension with exercise and nutrition. Blood pressure medications have long been associated with increased impotence, and that isn’t the only side effect.
Eating a balanced diet and drinking plenty of pure water will enable the body to function optimally. That means blood goes right where it is supposed to and hormones are secreted as needed. Clean meals mean clean blood and a clean body, inside and out. Stay away from ketogenic type diets, where all carbohydrates are strictly limited and ultra low-fat diets as well. All macronutrients are necessary to maximize blood flow. Strive to eat 4-6 small meals a day, starting with a lean protein source, lots of veggies, fruit or other wholesome carbohydrate in moderation, and finished with a little healthy fat.
If you aren’t having sex, masturbate! If you are, but it is not of good quality, pleasure yourself anyway! If it’s great, still do it! I know it is often thought of as a taboo topic, but sexual stimulation of one’s self serves to both satisfy a very primal need and at the same time, it dulls oversensitive nerves (in men this can cause premature ejaculation) allowing sex, when it happens, to involve blood flow that is more lasting. I recommend it for both men and women, regularly! You can do it simultaneously with your partner or have your partner do it to you or just go it alone. With practice, the body begins to develop a response on its own. You discover g-spots, build endurance, and enjoy yourself and your partner even more.
What about the psychological? Some experts have said that a vast majority of sexual health cases involve, at least in part, some psychological element. Some have even suggested physical impotence is even rare, that the true problem is between the ears. I disagree, but the toll sexual issues have on the mind is real and a bout with physical impotence can lead to a now mental problem. Once in the mind, the problem can go from snowball to avalanche, completely out of control. No good discussion on this subject can responsibly take the mental effects out of the picture. So, what can we do to fix our minds to allow us to perform again?
Don’t Think Mechanics (Men)
During foreplay, if you’re thinking about getting or maintaining a penile erection, you are asking for trouble. This type of over thinking takes the edge off a very natural act and becomes only a disturbance. Relax, breathe deep, enjoy the moment and during foreplay, you will get aroused. You just won’t think yourself there. If foreplay is long, you may go in, out and back in an aroused state and that is fine and normal. If you are an analytical mind, you will need to release yourself from that a to b to c mechanical methodology. If sex is reduced to an instruction manual, nobody will want to have it too often. Sex is sensual, not scientific or mechanic! Trust your body!
Don’t think mechanics (Women)
Women, stop trying so hard to have an orgasm! You can’t have one by your mental efforts. You need to also relax, take a deep breath and enjoy every part of your sexual experience. You need to let go to climax. Men, you need to be understanding and loving throughout, gentle and expressive to your partners. Women will better ‘in the mood’ and more likely to go all the way to orgasm if they feel close to you, both physically and emotionally. Women, trust your body!
Put Away The Porn
Sorry, but this is not helping you. Trying to relive pornographic fantasies while in a real lovemaking scenario is a recipe for disaster. First of all, porn isn’t real sex like most people have it or should expect to have it. Average guys are not typically that well endowed anyway, with some fictional perfect timing for her every time. The surgically enhanced women in these always seem to achieve that perfect climax (in porn films, these are usually very loud, almost always simultaneous with the males and on cue). Porn is a big money business, there are lots of STDs and drug use involved, and people involved in these are in it for any reason but lovemaking. Porn will serve only to confuse you in the long run, both physically and mentally, with often devastating consequences to your partner and self. Some of the most notorious serial killers in history had pornographic addictions (i.e., Ted Bundy). Sexual molestation is on the rise, in homes, churches and schools! You think porn has influenced that? Yep, in most cases I bet! It also causes a desensitizing of the sex act, that makes it less special and it either becomes pretty boring and unenjoyable or the user must continue to explore darker and more sinister forms to maintain the level of excitement, such as urinating, bondage, snuff (illegal), or even child porn (illegal) films. See where this can lead? Just leave it alone, guys and gals, for your partner and yourself! Sex will improve faster without it. It’s no object lesson!
Exercise releases endorphins and these chemicals make you feel good. When you feel good, you have energy and are better primed for sexual activity. Your thoughts are clearer and more positive and you feel better in your own skin. Workout several times a week, it will pay huge dividends in how frisky you feel, how energized you are, how well you function and how clear you think. The better body also goes along way in making you feel good in your nakedness, even with the lights on.
If All Else Fails Try EFT, Hypnotherapy, or Acupuncture
Sometimes these issues can become so problematic, a deeper psychological approach is necessary to purge the negative thought patterns. Sometimes emotions or events from our past are still affecting us, even subconsciously. That is where a specialist can really help. EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique, is something I strongly suggest looking into. It is a method of repeating phrases, negative and positive, while tapping on the energy meridians on the body. Sound hokey pokey? It isn’t and this treatment has worked on thousands for everything from golf improvement to cancer remission. Hypnotherapy is another that allows us to recondition our emotional state to lose weight, beat illness or improve our sex lives. Illness and physical ailments are more emotionally influenced than most people realize. If you can’t release yourself from what’s mentally holding you back, seek professional help.
I hope this article was helpful. I believe you can have frequent and satisfying sex lives until old age. I wish you true love on every level and better sex lives.