Convince girlfriend to lose weight?

Teenagers and kids discuss your fitness concerns here.

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senior13
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Convince girlfriend to lose weight?

Post by senior13 »

I love her to death, she’s the sweetest, most loving and most beautiful girl I’ve ever known. That being said her weight concerns me. We’ve been dating for 2.5 years( both of us are eighteen) and everyday I make sure to kiss her and tell her I love her. She used to be thin, but she never worked out or ate healthy( mainly dougnuts, pizza, and burgers) her metabolism was that good. Those years of sitting on the couch watching tv and eating have caught up to her and it concerns me. It hasn’t been like a 10 pound gain or anything small, she’s gone from like 110 to I’d say around 210-215. Every few weeks we’ll be at the mall buying her new and bigger shirts and jeans because the old ones “ shrank in the wash”, won’t fasten or button” or are “getting pretty tight”. Sometimes she’ll come over and eat entire bags of chips or Oreos I’m a pretty healthy guy and I honestly love running outside. I invite her but she declines and is content on the couch.
Sometimes she can be impolite and sit on the couch and belch and fart. Her breakfast at school is 3 chocolate doughnuts and a few poptarts. All she eats is fast food and whenever we go out, she orders unhealthy entrees and we have to order appetizers and desserts every time otherwise she won’t be full. It’s not some superficial“ I don’t want to date you because you’re big” thing, I want to stay with her and help her. How do I talk to her because it’s probably a sensitive topic? Maybe she likes who she is. I hate watching her struggle because of the weight with walking to class, sitting in desks, and wearing the school uniform. I wish I could talk to her parents but they’re overweight as well. Her mom( real nice lady) keeps girl on a solid diet of deep fried Southern food( moved from Miss. to Chicago) that is only making her bigger, fatter, and more lethargic. At one dinner I watched her eat a solid pound or so of both mac n cheese and mashed potatoes before eating fried chicken and cake. That night she fell asleep in arms from a food coma and woke up with stomach pain. Needless to say we went clothes shopping. Her mom is very proud of having a bigger daughter as she constantly grabs her cheeks and comments on her "healthy" appetite. I want her to be around for a long time and I don't think a diet would hurt.
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Boss Man
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Re: Convince girlfriend to lose weight?

Post by Boss Man »

Firstly, I wanted to say I totally understnad your problem.

You don't want to see someone you love hurting themselves so much, with bad food and poor excuses for the associated issues. You're clearly a good guy, for not treating her as a superficial girlfriend and ditching her the moment she started to look less like the person you fell for.

A few questions.

Have you ever tried to talk to her parents about this and If so, how did they react?

Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about this and if so, how did she react?

I can understand the possible concerns. The fear they will think you're talking out of line, or acting like she's not worth as much to you anymore, or that it's not your place to decide how their precious child lives, it's theirs.

Then there's the possible claims of hypocrisy, if you sometimes eat anything you wish she wouldn't eat, because such behaviour might undermine your stance, if they say so it's okay when you eat that stuff, but not when she does.

This isn't meant to sound bad, but you might have slightly encouraged it to some extent, if you've been to certain places she's become accustomed to eating at and you've eaten some of the same food, as then she might associate that with you being okay with her doing it and the shared experience reinforces the love between you, because it isn't causing a rift, or making her question you when you eat better food than she does.

Another question is why does she decline to run with you? Fear she won't like it? Fear she'll be unable to keep up? Claims she hasn't got the right running clothes and doesn't want to spend money needlessly on things?

Maybe if you offered to buy her, or part pay for a pair of good running shoes, she might be more willing, if you make it look like a shared thing that's an expression of the love and commitment between you.

You could always tell her you'll hold hands and go at her pace, so she doesn't think you'll just out run her, or embarrass her by being better. Make her realise it's okay for you to go at her pace and you won't feel like you're being held back, because she might think she'll do that and it could make her feel bad and possibly embarrassed that you had to run at her level.

So you might be able to persuade her to do this, by assuring her running would be great for the both of you and you'll do it the way that's best for her, because you love her and you want her to get the most out of it, physically, mentally and emotionally.

You shouldn't give up hope, because it sounds like you've both got something worth hanging on to and fighting for, but maybe you don't show her that often enough, or express it properly.

You could try to get her to understand that weight loss is a good thing and not a punishment where people eat bland horrible food, do difficult or boring exercise and hate it, but it can be a shared experience, where you eat congruent meals, not different ones and you exercise in the same kind of ways, at the same kind of times, not different ways or at different times.

If she's really worth it and it sounds like she is, I'm sure you can find a way, but don't be afraid to show her or her parents what she means, by spelling it out in a way that shows you care and that you're not bitching, accusing people of failings, or angry about how she's become.

if you don't work out how to do this, through fear of criticism or some other issue, she will be unlikely to change, when some of the important people around her don't change and don't see a need for her to change.

I'm interested to understand more about this though, hence why I aksed some questions :).
Trish0102
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Re: Convince girlfriend to lose weight?

Post by Trish0102 »

Try to talk to her during those slack times you have where you just sit on the couch and talk about anything. Make her understand you point that you are just concerned about her health and her lifestyle. She might probably offended at first, but if you choose the right words to say, I am sure she'll eventually understand.
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