Total newbie and very, very confused!

[exoygm]

Hi all, I was hoping someone could give me some advice/guidance. I've had some somewhat negative reactions in other places "omg what is wrong with you! You must be anorexic!" etc but this seems like a decent place so I thought i'd ask.

problem is this, i'm skinny-fat - but only sort of. I've always been slim (and in teens was underweight and hated every second of it too) As a result, I did basically no exercise (of course, I realise now that exercising isn't just about weight loss and sometimes not at all but mother and father both had a small frame and I guess I just never really thought about it). diet has been pretty terrible too for the same reasons (huge amounts of soda, salt etc etc) - again, no excuses, I was just stupid and didn't give it any thought. genetics also seem to have always enjoyed making me gain mostly around middle, hips and a little bit on the thighs (the latter, truthfully, hardly noticeable unless you're looking for it), but hardly gain weight anywhere else at all (for example, , but bony in that area too). And in addition to all that, god-awful posture and god-awful bloating (the latter being down to a possible intolerance - still working on figuring that out, and also PMDD.

Now, I want to do something about the and the love handles. I don't deny for a second that I am a) incredibly lucky it's not far, far worse particularly given lifestyle up until now and b) that it really isn't all that much but many standards. But as i'm learning, it seems no matter what size you are, if you aren't looking after yourself, you're probably not going to be happy with the way you look. But I am at a complete loss as to what action to take. Obviously, I know eating healthy and exercise are the way forward but the specifics of that have me very confuddled. biggest concern is losing weight (in the sense i'm worried about doing so and whether that is even a good idea).

I'm pretty tiny. I'm 5"2, weigh 104lbs and body fat percentage is 15.06%. Not exactly a lot. So far, i've cut all the soda from diet, drinking more water, trying to increase the amount of fresh vegetables and fruits (I've never really been a fan of them but i'm hoping that's all the sugar I was eating playing tricks on me and that i'll soon develop a taste for them). BMR is 1238 and TDEE is 1486 and up until now I was eating about 1300 - so presumably, I should increase calorie intake to 1486?

I've started trying to push myself to take a brisk walk for about 10 minutes every day, which isn't much I know but i've had such a sedentary lifestyle (thanks, depression) that even that is taxing at the moment so i'm just trying to focus on getting into the habit of being active first and foremost. But once I start doing more, should I then increase calorie intake?

As for exercise, what is the best thing to do for situation? Some have said strength training, others cardio, some say both, some say neither
Going to the gym is not something I feel I can handle mentally yet so preferably i'd like to work out at home for a little while to build up confidence a bit rather than risk putting myself off the whole idea completely by trying to do too much too soon, if that makes sense?

goal is simply to shed the & itty love handles - i'm not concerned about getting abs or stuff like that at this point - just more toned, I guess? Also what exercises will help posture? (Which, i'm sure is making this whole situation seem far worse than it actually is).

Anyway, sorry this was long, if anyone can help i'd appreciate it. And no, I certainly don't consider myself "fat" - just clearly unhealthy.

Current Pic (baggy trousers, flat nothing bum under there!):

[Boss Man]

Hi Exoygm, good to talk to you.

Firstly I want to say WELL DONE for talking about your concerns and about the PMDD and depression, as I appreciate that it can't have been easy to do that and I'm proud of you for trying to overcome the depression and take more time for you and what's right and good for you and I want you to be proud of yourself for confronting your concerns, fears and emotions in this way, because you should be .

I wouldn't pretend to say I understand your circumstances, as it would be crass and ignorant, but I'm getting the sense that inside of you exists a beautiful person, however severe your feelings of depression might be right now and of course we as a community will try and do what we think is best, to help you overcome, to some extent, the circumstances you're in and find more personal happiness and physical wellness.

As for the weight lifting I totally agree with the idea of doing it and I'd say aim for a strength building ideology, as it will definitely be a good thing in the long term, providing you stick to it and do it right.

I'd like to ask a couple of questions first of all.

1. Do you plan on using a gym or could you use one, or would you be training at home, as a gym would give more scope for improvement, but home workouts using body weight will have some benefit.

2. What foods do you eat and what times do you eat at.?

I would definitely say however you need to be eating a bit more and don't be afraid to do it either, as the increased micro nutrient levels will be good for overall health, and the extra calories would be good for your energy levels and metabolism.

I'd aim for around 1,800, the sedentary female average on non-workout days and around 300-400 more on workout days.

I will be able to facilitate your needs more when I know about the things I asked, but for now, I want you to keep believing in yourself and remember that you ARE worth it and from a physical, emotional and mental standpoint you deserve better and it you deserve to find more of the happiness I don't doubt you are worth and always will be worth, so chin up, try to stay strong and GOOD LUCK.

You've already come this far with these wellness wants and you are at the start of a potentially brilliant lifelong journey and I hope that together Shapefit and you can go on that journey together and hopefully help make your future more positive, rewarding and beautiful

[exoygm]

Hi Exoygm, good to talk to you.

Firstly I want to say WELL DONE for talking about your concerns and about the PMDD and depression, as I appreciate that it can't have been easy to do that and I'm proud of you for trying to overcome the depression and take more time for you and what's right and good for you and I want you to be proud of yourself for confronting your concerns, fears and emotions in this way, because you should be .

I wouldn't pretend to say I understand your circumstances, as it would be crass and ignorant, but I'm getting the sense that inside of you exists a beautiful person, however severe your feelings of depression might be right now and of course we as a community will try and do what we think is best, to help you overcome, to some extent, the circumstances you're in and find more personal happiness and physical wellness.

As for the weight lifting I totally agree with the idea of doing it and I'd say aim for a strength building ideology, as it will definitely be a good thing in the long term, providing you stick to it and do it right.

I'd like to ask a couple of questions first of all.

1. Do you plan on using a gym or could you use one, or would you be training at home, as a gym would give more scope for improvement, but home workouts using body weight will have some benefit.

2. What foods do you eat and what times do you eat at.?

I would definitely say however you need to be eating a bit more and don't be afraid to do it either, as the increased micro nutrient levels will be good for overall health, and the extra calories would be good for your energy levels and metabolism.

I'd aim for around 1,800, the sedentary female average on non-workout days and around 300-400 more on workout days.

I will be able to facilitate your needs more when I know about the things I asked, but for now, I want you to keep believing in yourself and remember that you ARE worth it and from a physical, emotional and mental standpoint you deserve better and it you deserve to find more of the happiness I don't doubt you are worth and always will be worth, so chin up, try to stay strong and GOOD LUCK.

You've already come this far with these wellness wants and you are at the start of a potentially brilliant lifelong journey and I hope that together Shapefit and you can go on that journey together and hopefully help make your future more positive, rewarding and beautiful

Thank you so much for the kind response!

Before I answer your questions, I want to share a little light bulb moment I had tonight.

I mentioned in post that I have poor posture (as is visible from the photo). Well, in conversation a friend mentioned Anterior Pelvic Tilt and how it can sort of push your stomach out. I can vaguely remember as a child being told I had a slight curve to the spine. friend also mentioned something about how it can cause some hamstring tightness - I have always suffered with tight hamstrings (as a very young child, I used to walk on tip toes a lot of the time). I've never been able to bend over and touch toes because hamstrings are too tight. So, when I got home, I got in front of the mirror (eek) and did best to tuck butt in as much as possible (couldn't quite do it, still not standing up completely straight) and I'd say a good amount of that bulge disappeared. I'm wondering if this could be the main problem (albeit not the whole problem)? And if so, are there exercises I can do to improve it? There is still some excess fat there but presumably with a proper diet and actual exercise instead of lying on the couch all day, that would eventually shift...What do you think? I've attached some pics of that little posture experiment just in case I am actually becoming delusional and there is no difference. :/

As for your questions:

1. Going to the gym is something I would need to work up to mentally, I think. I get a bit overwhelmed at the moment just going out at all so I fear walking into a gym at this point might put me off the entire getting fit idea entirely. But it's certainly something i'd like to aim towards.

2. diet up until now has been dreadful. If you were to make a list of all the wrong things to eat/drink, I was eating/drinking them. I was drinking crazy amounts of soda, crisps, cakes, chocolate, biscuits, fast food etc. So far, i've managed to cut the soda entirely, now drinking water or smoothies for the most part. I've also begun having fruit as a snack instead of a bag of crisps, for example. I'm also trying to incorporate more vegetables, mostly broccoli & green beans - this is a bit difficult for me as there really aren't many I like - hence picking the most bland ones lol.

The way I was eating was awful, too. I've always been someone who can't really handle big meals and would always eat small but often as a kid. As I got older, I would go through bouts where I would just graze small amounts constantly, all day. But aside from those bouts, i'd mostly eat one "meal" a day and just snack the rest of the time. Some days i'd go for hours without eating (purely because I wasn't hungry) and other days i'd constantly be nibbling away. I'm a night owl, so I tended to eat far more after dinner than before. At the moment, i'm still eating little and often but trying not to go longer than 2 hours without a small snack and trying to make sure I have 3 - albeit small for most people but large for me - meals a day. And trying not to eat anything after dinner.

Pics:

Standing normally:

Standing up as straight as I can (still not straight) but relaxed:

And also one from the front, standing normally (if anything I think i look too skinny from this angle!)

Thanks!

[Boss Man]

Well what I can say is, is that you're definitely getting some spinal lordosis in the lower back on the first picture, which is basically inward curvature of the lumbar and sacral vertebrae.

So I would suggest trying to walk by planting the ball of your foot on the floor and then landing the heel. Avoid things like heel strike, as you'll potentially get shin splints and that can affect runners who don't use proper technique.

I would also at all costs avoid wearing heels, as I find them hideous to look at anyway from the make perspective, but they're extremely bad regarding things like blisters, tendonitis, calf problems, deformation of the toes and may even cause damage to the bones in the ankle and shin and if you ever hear anyone tell you "you have to suffer pain to look good" or "to walk through the pain", then they're out of their tree and inflicting actual pain on the body repeatedly, is extremely unhealthy and a very poor way of regarding yourself and right now it's about trying to walk in a normal fashion, so as to avoid the anterior tilt and lordosis and correcting the issues you have been living with up to now .

You could try the technique models use where you balance books on your head and try to stop them falling off and see how that goes.

As for the gym, I understand your concerns and I personally think you'd be fine because the vast majority of people in places like that, are just there for themselves, not so they can treat other people like dirt, or judge them for what they do, but if you really feel right now like you cannot handle that environment, then I'm not going to coerce or persuade you to do anything like that, because I don't want to put you in a situation where you get emotional concerns after a while and ditch exercise, which is what you said might happen, so I suggest you train at home and do something that is not going to take a long time and will be easy to manage.

This is what I think you could do and please do ask for clarification if there is anything you don't quite understand .

Squats, 12 sets 10 reps

Lunges, 12 sets 10 reps

Good mornings, 12 sets 10 reps

Vertical flyes, 12 sets 10 reps

Bent over Rows, 12 sets 10 reps

Shrugs, 12 sets 10 reps

Planks 30-45 seconds.

You can do this as a weighted system by improvising and normally I just suggest this for home workouts as a body weight routine, but as you say you want at some point to go to the gym, then I would like your muscles to be given some acclimatisation to load bearing exercises, so when you go to the gym eventually your body will be able to tolerate that and you might be able to start at a slightly more intense level than the average novice.

So what you will need for this are 4 books to hold. You need 2 small ones of equal size, around A5 size and 2 larger ones closer to A4 size, but don't use any that are really chunky like a bible, or a dictionary, or one with loads of pages like war and peace , just try to use larger ones with maybe around 100 or so pages if you can, but if this load bearing strategy is a bit uneasy, we can tinker with it, I:E: using a couple of filled up water bottles for example, or even using a pair of shoes, but I'm hoping the books strategy will be okay for you.

The workout will be done 3x a week every other day.

As for the diet, there are plenty of things you can use to base a diet on and normally I have a system that I give to many people, but as you need time to develop consistency regarding a regular eating frequency, the emotional / mental demand of eating the sort of calories it would provide might be a little too much just now, so I'll give you something that has the frequency you need but doesn't allow you to feel like you're going overboard on calories and then in the near future you would be ready to eat more, so that you'll be eating closer to the sort of daily calories that will be normal and of more benefit to you, but right now I don't want to push this aspect of your wellness too much, in case it harms your mentality toward regular eating .

There are many things you can use to base snacks on such as bread, sandwiches, ham, beef, turkey, pork and chicken from a packet, boiled eggs, nuts, peanuts, low fat cheese, low sugar yoghurts, vegetables including pineapple, celery sticks and raw carrot, fruits including tomato and cucumber flax seeds and oat granolas.

I often espouse microwaved options too, but they may be a bit calorie rich and being heated up, they wouldn't really keep until later, whereas some oat granolas can be more calorific than others, but any leftover granola can be saved until later in the day, so the alternative to microwaved baked beans or soups is to use tinned stuff cooked on a stove, so you have more say over the quantity and limit wastage.

As for the main options, you can use those snack options, but you could have things like scrambled eggs, toast, cereal and grapefruit with breakfast as examples of other things to have, but in relation to grapefruit and its juice, if you're taking any medications right now, check if it is contraindicated with them first, as grapefruit and associated products, can interfere with some medicines and in one persons testimony on this site, she said a relative of hers had consumed grapefruit content in her diet whilst on medication and the reaction caused her sister to pass away.

I'm not trying to scare you regarding grapefruit, as it's a very good source of things like vit c, a and calcium, but obviously I'm just trying best to look out for you.

Also if you've had any reactions regarding eczema, then be careful of nuts and peanuts, as peanuts have in the past been linked to eczema outbreaks as have seeds, but otherwise if you haven't then don't worry and consider nut, peanut and seed options in your diet if you wish.

In terms of main options for lunch and dinner, the snack options would work as a basis, but so would other things like beans, other than baked of course, rice, mushrooms, min corn cobs, if you wanted to make a stir fry, chicken breast, lamb and pork chops and soy products like soybeans, miso, tempeh, tofu, nattokinase and edemame and also a more broad spectrum of vegetable options and along with beans, other legume options like peas and lentils, plus some fruits are good for cooking with or eating in mains, like tomato, cucumber, aubergine, (eggplant), marrow, avocado and chillies.

As I say if you need any clarification on anything I've said, please feel free. I want you to know that myself and the community are on your side 100% and we want you to find the happiness and confidence and enjoyment from life you deserve and I just wanted to send you a BIG HUG, just as an act of kindness and I want to let you know that like all members, if you ever have any worries or concerns regarding other site members or things going on in your life, send me a PM anytime and let me know what's up, because I will keep what you tell me in the strictest confidence at all times .

It's been really good to get to know you and I'm sorry you've had to deal in the past with a few unwanted comments and some personal issues like depression, because I certainly don't think you deserve anything but a great life and a lot of happiness and I personally want to help you find more of the happiness I believe you're worth, because you shouldn't have to have such a hard fight with your emotions and confidence and self esteem in the way(s), I imagine you have been doing and I want you to discover more of the beautiful person I think that exists in your head and heart and be able to have more control over your life and feelings, so whatever myself and the community can do, for as long as you want myself / us to, we will be here for you okay .

For now, chin up, be strong and anything else you need just ask, or if you need to talk about personal stuff message me and just say whatever you need to say however you need to say it.

THANKS for getting back in touch and please do keep in touch with us and let us know how you're progressing, because I for one would really like to know how you're doing and unless you don't want us to be anymore, we won't stop being here for you okay, but remember that you ARE worth it and you DO deserve to be happy .

[exoygm]

Well what I can say is, is that you're definitely getting some spinal lordosis in the lower back on the first picture, which is basically inward curvature of the lumbar and sacral vertebrae.



So I would suggest trying to walk by planting the ball of your foot on the floor and then landing the heel. Avoid things like heel strike, as you'll potentially get shin splints and that can affect runners who don't use proper technique.

I would also at all costs avoid wearing heels, as I find them hideous to look at anyway from the make perspective, but they're extremely bad regarding things like blisters, tendonitis, calf problems, deformation of the toes and may even cause damage to the bones in the ankle and shin and if you ever hear anyone tell you "you have to suffer pain to look good" or "to walk through the pain", then they're out of their tree and inflicting actual pain on the body repeatedly, is extremely unhealthy and a very poor way of regarding yourself and right now it's about trying to walk in a normal fashion, so as to avoid the anterior tilt and lordosis and correcting the issues you have been living with up to now .

You could try the technique models use where you balance books on your head and try to stop them falling off and see how that goes.

As for the gym, I understand your concerns and I personally think you'd be fine because the vast majority of people in places like that, are just there for themselves, not so they can treat other people like dirt, or judge them for what they do, but if you really feel right now like you cannot handle that environment, then I'm not going to coerce or persuade you to do anything like that, because I don't want to put you in a situation where you get emotional concerns after a while and ditch exercise, which is what you said might happen, so I suggest you train at home and do something that is not going to take a long time and will be easy to manage.

This is what I think you could do and please do ask for clarification if there is anything you don't quite understand .

Squats, 12 sets 10 reps

Lunges, 12 sets 10 reps

Good mornings, 12 sets 10 reps

Vertical flyes, 12 sets 10 reps

Bent over Rows, 12 sets 10 reps

Shrugs, 12 sets 10 reps

Planks 30-45 seconds.

You can do this as a weighted system by improvising and normally I just suggest this for home workouts as a body weight routine, but as you say you want at some point to go to the gym, then I would like your muscles to be given some acclimatisation to load bearing exercises, so when you go to the gym eventually your body will be able to tolerate that and you might be able to start at a slightly more intense level than the average novice.

So what you will need for this are 4 books to hold. You need 2 small ones of equal size, around A5 size and 2 larger ones closer to A4 size, but don't use any that are really chunky like a bible, or a dictionary, or one with loads of pages like war and peace , just try to use larger ones with maybe around 100 or so pages if you can, but if this load bearing strategy is a bit uneasy, we can tinker with it, I:E: using a couple of filled up water bottles for example, or even using a pair of shoes, but I'm hoping the books strategy will be okay for you.

The workout will be done 3x a week every other day.

As for the diet, there are plenty of things you can use to base a diet on and normally I have a system that I give to many people, but as you need time to develop consistency regarding a regular eating frequency, the emotional / mental demand of eating the sort of calories it would provide might be a little too much just now, so I'll give you something that has the frequency you need but doesn't allow you to feel like you're going overboard on calories and then in the near future you would be ready to eat more, so that you'll be eating closer to the sort of daily calories that will be normal and of more benefit to you, but right now I don't want to push this aspect of your wellness too much, in case it harms your mentality toward regular eating .

There are many things you can use to base snacks on such as bread, sandwiches, ham, beef, turkey, pork and chicken from a packet, boiled eggs, nuts, peanuts, low fat cheese, low sugar yoghurts, vegetables including pineapple, celery sticks and raw carrot, fruits including tomato and cucumber flax seeds and oat granolas.

I often espouse microwaved options too, but they may be a bit calorie rich and being heated up, they wouldn't really keep until later, whereas some oat granolas can be more calorific than others, but any leftover granola can be saved until later in the day, so the alternative to microwaved baked beans or soups is to use tinned stuff cooked on a stove, so you have more say over the quantity and limit wastage.

As for the main options, you can use those snack options, but you could have things like scrambled eggs, toast, cereal and grapefruit with breakfast as examples of other things to have, but in relation to grapefruit and its juice, if you're taking any medications right now, check if it is contraindicated with them first, as grapefruit and associated products, can interfere with some medicines and in one persons testimony on this site, she said a relative of hers had consumed grapefruit content in her diet whilst on medication and the reaction caused her sister to pass away.

I'm not trying to scare you regarding grapefruit, as it's a very good source of things like vit c, a and calcium, but obviously I'm just trying best to look out for you.

Also if you've had any reactions regarding eczema, then be careful of nuts and peanuts, as peanuts have in the past been linked to eczema outbreaks as have seeds, but otherwise if you haven't then don't worry and consider nut, peanut and seed options in your diet if you wish.

In terms of main options for lunch and dinner, the snack options would work as a basis, but so would other things like beans, other than baked of course, rice, mushrooms, min corn cobs, if you wanted to make a stir fry, chicken breast, lamb and pork chops and soy products like soybeans, miso, tempeh, tofu, nattokinase and edemame and also a more broad spectrum of vegetable options and along with beans, other legume options like peas and lentils, plus some fruits are good for cooking with or eating in mains, like tomato, cucumber, aubergine, (eggplant), marrow, avocado and chillies.

As I say if you need any clarification on anything I've said, please feel free. I want you to know that myself and the community are on your side 100% and we want you to find the happiness and confidence and enjoyment from life you deserve and I just wanted to send you a BIG HUG, just as an act of kindness and I want to let you know that like all members, if you ever have any worries or concerns regarding other site members or things going on in your life, send me a PM anytime and let me know what's up, because I will keep what you tell me in the strictest confidence at all times .

It's been really good to get to know you and I'm sorry you've had to deal in the past with a few unwanted comments and some personal issues like depression, because I certainly don't think you deserve anything but a great life and a lot of happiness and I personally want to help you find more of the happiness I believe you're worth, because you shouldn't have to have such a hard fight with your emotions and confidence and self esteem in the way(s), I imagine you have been doing and I want you to discover more of the beautiful person I think that exists in your head and heart and be able to have more control over your life and feelings, so whatever myself and the community can do, for as long as you want myself / us to, we will be here for you okay .

For now, chin up, be strong and anything else you need just ask, or if you need to talk about personal stuff message me and just say whatever you need to say however you need to say it.

THANKS for getting back in touch and please do keep in touch with us and let us know how you're progressing, because I for one would really like to know how you're doing and unless you don't want us to be anymore, we won't stop being here for you okay, but remember that you ARE worth it and you DO deserve to be happy .

You know, it's funny, today I woke up and went downstairs to make some coffee and after a few minutes I noticed I was actually walking on tip toes without realising it! I don't walk that way during the day, it's only when I first wake up and start moving about and when I do put both feet down on the ground, I feel an awful lot of tightness in hamstrings but it eases after a minute or two. I guess I must have been doing that automatically for years.

Thank you for your advice and suggestions. I certainly feel better having a plan of action. Feels a bit like being given a map to help navigate way through which is incredibly helpful. As for heels, I tend not to wear them anyway so that's that sorted!

The suggestions for diet are also very helpful and there's lots of ideas I can experiment with there. I'm still attempting to figure out if I have an intolerance of some sort. I've noticed that while there is definitely some fat there, no question, that I do seem to have some persistent mild bloating going on, too. I was diagnosed with IBS a few years ago but in fairness I was told this was more of an umbrella term for "your bowel is irritated but we're not sure why". On the bright side, I can at least rest assured there's nothing seriously wrong but it's proving difficult to identify the culprit, even with keeping a food diary. I did react quite a bit when I tried drinking two glasses of milk but then I tried again a couple of days later and had no reaction. I've been avoiding lactose for a couple of weeks now with no difference so this may take a while!

Completely understand about the grapefruit (Goodness, that poor woman. How awful!) but that's fine, i've been taking meds for years so very used to checking everything is "compatible" so to speak, so that's something i'm quite used to.

Anyway, thank you again for being so kind and taking the time to help me out. I feel much better about tackling this now, you've made an incredible difference so one big hug right back at ya for that!

[Boss Man]

Well I would say the 4 biggest intolerance causes are dairy, grains, nuts and peanuts, so you could eliminate the latter two if you're not eating them, which means it's could be grains possibly.

As you say, no reaction the second time to milk, although the casein content could be causing a little bit of bloat as some people bloat a bit when reacting to casein and that is sometimes stated on casein protein powder products.

Anyway, as I've said before now please do keep us updated and I want to say again GOOD LUCK, because I think you're a beautiful person and you deserve a better life, of that I have no doubt at all .

[Fitafter50]

Hi, Exogym,

Stretching your hamstrings could be helpful, too, as tight hamstrings can pull on your back. You can google hamstring stretches but an easy one is to just stand with your feet wider than hip width apart and then bend over, either touching the floor with your hands, or crossing your arms and letting your body hang.

Good luck with your elimination diet--I know how tricky it can be to pinpoint food sensitivities. Sometimes you have to avoid the food for more than 21 days and then re-introduce it to see if you react to it. That's how I discovered I beloved whey protein was causing bloating. I did 21 days without dairy, eggs, soy, peanuts, wheat, corn, and sugar, and then tested each one. Most of issue seemed to be with dairy, with wheat being a problem also, but not as dramatic. There are other things that can cause problems too, like nightshades. The possibilities, unfortunately, are endless!

[MissPamela]

Hi there,
It seems like you've already gotten some great advise, and I applaude you for being so proactive about figuring out what will make you healthier and happier.
This is first time to a forum like this, and I don't normally comment, but your post resonated with me. I manage a large fitness facility and have a long background in fitness but am also human and was new to it once too.
Certainly embarking on a fitter and nutrient rich lifestyle can be overwelming but I promise you, the little steps you are taking are worth it. I too have struggled with depression, and the gym/fitness became happy place. When you feel anxious, sad, angry, take it out on some weigts, go for a run, just put that energy into something that will make you feel stronger at the end of the day. Physical strength=mental empowerment (for me anyway). It gave me control back and made me feel strong and powerful. I came to workout and eat better because I love myself, and what I was capable of. perception changed from "I have to do this because I don't like body and I know I should", to "I want to do this because I like myself and it makes me feel strong". It doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen. Yoga, strenth training and cardio will be the best gifts you can give yourself and you will likely feel more inclined to put good nutrition into your body because you will start to notice how good you feel when you do.
I apologise if I'm rambling or coming across as "preachy" but I'm just excited for you and this journey. I know you said gyms can be intimidating, and certainly if you've never been before, I understand, but many gyms have complimentary orientations or the option of a few personal training sessions. PT is an investment, but it will lay the foundation for you to feel confident in what you should be doing and help keep you on track.

Not sure if this helped anything but keep at all and know you deserve to feel happy and healthy. You are in control.

[Ashy123]

Just wanted to add in here that foam rolling could make a difference too! Try foam rolling to release the tight muscles
I have lumbar lordosis and suffer from super tight hipflexors and lower back pain. I found that releasing hip flexors and strengthening glutes and abs has helped tremendously!! Try to consciously engage your core and tilt your pelvis under whenever you remember... promise it will become easier!