Husband Got Fit, Now He's Unhappy

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Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 11:04 am
Location: Colorado, USA

Husband Got Fit, Now He's Unhappy

Post by OfficeGirl »

Hi folks, I'm not sure where to start, so please excuse any rambling I might do. husband used to be overweight. He's put in the work over nearly the last 2years, and now he looks fantastic. He's healthier than he's ever been, but it seems to have taken some of his joy. He seems pretty dissatisfied with family life. He wants to see what he can do with his new body, and I can understand that. Unfortunately, when you have a family, you can't just drive off into the sunset to see if you can survive a week in the mountains by yourself.
Money is pretty tight at our house. We're trying to pay off an item in collections and last year's taxes on a payment plan. We cannot afford for him to go out and play with his friends every weekend, either. I know he's feeling cooped up, and I feel bad that he can't be content with our situation until we can acheive a better one.
Unfortunately, he's taking the stress out on me and our son, who isn't quite 4. He only kisses me when he's horney, and he yells at our son. He talks about his day and such, but it seems like a huge effort for him to just be civil at home. I can only do what I can do. I'm trying to be pleasant and keep up with the chores so he can work both his jobs and relax when he gets home. I asked him if I did something to upset him, just to be sure. He said that I didn't do anything. He's just angry and only feels at peace when he's out doing what he wants to do.
He feels a lot of pressure from all the hats he has to wear. I told him I thought maybe a new job with a less toxic atmosphere might help. There's a good market in Florida, but he doesn't want to move. I'm trying to be supportive. I can't make him this stuff, but it seems unfair for him to drag us along in his misery.
I'm not sure what to do now. I've put a lot of goals for myself on hold so that he can pursue some things. Bodies have a shelf life. I need him to figure his stuff out so we can move forward. I guess it's time for another talk. I love him, and I don't want to leave, but he can't keep acting this way. Thoughts?
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Re: Husband Got Fit, Now He's Unhappy

Post by Boss Man »

Hey there Officegirl. I feel your frustration to a point and I appreciate this is obviously getting to be a serious situation for you and the family.

Firstly, you have to make him aware, that under no circumstances can he shout at your son because he is frustrated in some way, as that is not appropriate. He needs to realise that his behaviour may replicate itself, if your son ever goes on to have children of his own, because sometimes children exposed to negative family behaviour, don't, when becoming parents themselves, find a way to internalise it and sometimes some people can take their past familial frustrations out on their own children.

As for your goals, you shouldn't have to necessarily put them on hold, because there should be enough give and take, that your wants should be accounted for to an extent, without it becoming a one way traffic thing, where you're always getting your wants catered to and his are not, but conversely he should not have all his wants catered to when yours are not, as marriages should be a two way thing of give and take, but they should also allow both people the flexibility to do separate things sometimes if they wish and not always shared things, unless that is all of both parties wants achieve parity and therefore can all be shared experiences.

Perhaps there ways in which you guys can reconnect again. Could you find more shared things to do perhaps with yourselves or with others, that's not going to cost a lot and / or are free and could be done locally.

I don't think you sound like people who need counseling or marriage guidance, but you do need to sit down and have a mature rational conversation about both your wants, finding a less stressful work / life balance and also about how he could relate better to his son.

You're a wonderful person and you deserve to feel like you matter in your marriage and as a person and you should be proud of who you are and what it means and stands for, so GOOD LUCK and try not to worry too much about this okay :).
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