Jena's Journal.

[MissJenaKay]

Update on the shoes for work situation. The insoles didn't help at all. :c So I bought a new pair of shoes. The money I'm spending on this job is more than I'm going to end up making it seems. :/ These shoes better work, because I can't handle coming home and having feet be so sore and bruised and cut up from shoes that it makes it hard to walk at all. I'm really nervous about the 9 hours shift I'm pulling tomorrow.

Update on weightloss. I gained a smidge of weight back. I forgot the number, I'll post it later this evening.

On to that thing I said I was going to to everyday but haven't been doing so well with since I started working. I'm making chili for dinner tonight Yumm. And I'm going to see if I can muster a workout today. I'll probably regret it tomorrow. Haha. Also, I looked it up, if I calculate the calories I burn in an average 6 hour shift (which shifts are normally between 6 and 8 hours) I burn about 1647 calories with all the walking I do.

9:30 Wake Up

9:52
- 6oz Nonfat Peach Greek Yogurt [[Calories 140, Fat 0, Carbs 20, Fibre 0, Sugar 19, Protein 14, Sodium 65]]
- 1 Clementine [[Calories 35, Fat .1, Carbs 8.9, Fibre 1.3, Sugar 6.8, Protein .6, Sodium .7]]

12:37
- 2 slices Whole Grain Toast [[Calories 200, Fat 3, Carbs 40, Fibre 8, Sugar 8, Protein 10, Sodium 300]]
- 1tbs Peanutbutter [[Calories 95, Fat 8, Carbs 3.5, Fibre 1, Sugar 1.5, Protein 3.5, Sodium 75]]

[MissJenaKay]

Hey guys. I've got a couple sets of good news and bad news. Good news: I lost 2.2 pounds since I last checked, this brings me down to 240.3. Bad news: this is not any lower than where I was at the end of summer. Good news: I bought a whole new set of shoes to wear to work that make feet hurt less than when I wore flats. Bad News: Turns out I can wear super comfortable skate shoes to work so I've been wasting money. Good news: I've got all Christmas gifts done. Bad News: I now have to dip into savings for Europe to cover a student loan payment this month.

Anywho. I'll get stuff sorted out sometime here.

10:30 Wake Up

10:56
- 3/4c Homemade Cereal with 1/2c Fat Free Milk [[Calories 289, Fat 4.9, Carbs 54.9, Fibre 4.3, Sugar 25.7, Protein 8.4, Sodium 45.5]]

2:00
- 2 slices White Toast with 1tbs Peanut Butter [[Calories 215, Fat 9, Carbs 27.5, Fibre 2, Sugar 3.5, Protein 7.5, Sodium 295]]

5:00
- 1 serving Turkey Stroganoff [[Calories 546, Fat 12.4, Carbs 68.4, Fibre 5.6, Sugar 10.6, Protein 35.4, Sodium 1107]]
- 2 Peanut Butter Chip Cookies (for dessert) [[Calories 217, Fat 9.2, Carbs 30.3, Fibre .3, Sugar 19.1, Protein 3.2, Sodium 193.1]]

8:00
- 1 Clementine [[Calories 35, Fat .1, Carbs 8.9, Fibre 1.3, Sugar 6.8, Protein .6, Sodium .7]]

8:30 WORKOUT
- 30 minutes dancings. [[Calories -217]]

10:00
- 1 Nature Valley Almond Granola Bar [[Calories 160, Fat 7, Carbs 22, Fibre 2, Sugar 12, Protein 3, Sodium 150]]

TOTALS
Calories - 1464
Exercise - 217
Net Calories - 1247
Fat - 43
Carbs - 212
Fibre - 15
Sugar - 78
Protein - 58
Sodium - 1854

[musculArgirl2]

Good job on the weight loss.

[Boss Man]

The weight is going in the right direction though, that's what is most important.

WELL DONE .

[MissJenaKay]

Thanks, Becky and Boss. I'm doing what I can.

[Boss Man]

Keep believing sweetheart . I know it must be tough sometimes when a little weight sneaks back on, or a bit less than expected comes off, or you feel bad for not exercising for 3-4 days, or only eating 3 meals in one day, but these things can serve to teach about what triggers these lapses, how to plan around them and working out any tell-tale excuses, that may lead to lapses, so you don't use them.

Right now how fast you lose the weight safely, is not the be all and end all, it's about just simply trying and getting most of it right, losing some bit by bit and letting the other bits of the jigsaw fall into place.

Better that then just have a low calorie, healthy food diet, regular exercise and wonder why the weight never goes anywhere, when quite simply the body will refuse to let it go.

In the main you're doing great and I thikn you have stepped up the workrate and eating habits beyond what they were 6 months ago and you are more dedicated and consistent and it's not perfect, but it's more close to what is possible, than not.

So keep believing and keep on pushing okay, because it's making a difference and I think slowly it's making a bit of a difference to how you feel about yourself as a person and how you interpret yourself and think about yourself.

I think the new job has done something to improve your emotional outlook too, so that's a great plus.

Slowly but surely you ARE moving closer towards a more healthy and beautiful you and I am proud of you and I want you to feel proud of yourself too, because you've earned some moments of pride lately .

[MissJenaKay]

Hey everyone, haven't been on much because of work. Yesterday, though, I got really sick, couldn't eat anything and tried going to work. Nearly passed out three times in the hour and a half I was there so I came home. I went to bed at 8:00 and woke up at 7:30 this morning. I feel better and I weighed myself today, I lost about 3 pounds since I weighed myself yesterday morning. I'm not saying that I'm happy I got sick, but the losing weight is a nice perk. Hopefully I can keep it up and lose weight more healthily soon. I'm down to 237.9 now which is a total of 12.5 pounds lost. One bad thing though is that I'm kinda paranoid to eat today because I'm afraid that I'll get sick again. However, I'm afraid that if I don't eat, I'll end up feeling like I did last night at work. Ugh.

[musculArgirl2]

hope you feel better Jena! And nice! on the weight loss!

[Boss Man]

Keep going, because you're really starting to get somewhere and the eating is good. Don't cut back on the "necessary" eating, or you might just feel the urge to snack or pick at food, or perhaps get an issue related to low electrolytes.

You're making some decent progress and I want you to be proud of yourself because you've earned it and i'm proud of you too. I can sense there is some all round progress in the way you express and feel about yourself as well, and I think some positive weight loss and a new job has been no doubt contributing so the person I have believed you were capable of being is slowly starting to emerge and I'm happy for you.

I know you can continue to make good things continue to happen, because I believe in you and his year especially you've had tough things to deal with, expressed some hard things too, that took courage and heart and beauty to speak about and a few recriminations about missed opportunities to give your goals more urgency, but I have largely been proud of you for making small positive emotional, mental and physical steps .

I don't care whether it takes you 2 years or 10 years, to finally get to a good place in your mind and body, speed is not the essence, but quality of improvement is and the more you keep making gradual progress all the round, the less likely you are to be down on yourself and feel destructive or second-rate, becasue you are NOT second rate and never have been.

2012 is a year for you ot continue to make good and continue to show a bit of the strength, heart and beauty that has gotten you to be able to come here, talk about hard things and prove you haven't given up on yourself.

I never gave up on you, because certain things showed me you had the ability to improve and you could develop that through knowledge and experience and to be here now when you could have given up and walked away from us, is a pretty darn good thing Jena and showed me something I hoped I could see in you, which was a little bit of fight; the fight for your future happiness and wellbeing.

I'm sending you a BIG HUG because I am so darned proud of you sweetheart, for showing that little bit of something needed to progress and believe and when you want to be you can be a really beautiful person to communicate with and you've been a good source of support and humanity to others and it has always been appreciated.

So have a good Christmas, keep smiling, chin up, be strong and keep believing, because if you want to be, you can in the future be amazing and someone to be looked up to and admired and together you and this community, can help to shape a better and brighter future for you and the kind of happiness and sense of worth you've deserved all your life, but have never really known.

Finally it's slowly coming together for you and i'm really happy for you .

You're doing GREAT misses really, really GREAT.

[MissJenaKay]

Boss, I really don't feel like I deserve your praise right now. I haven't been working out and I've been eating pretty poorly. I haven't been eating enough and I've been eating fast food while at work on lunch breaks since I work in a shopping mall. I really wish there were something I could do about it, but I can't take anything that needs to be refrigerated simply because I'm highly uncomfortable with taking food with me to work to put in the break room. I don't know the people at work very well and so when I'm on lunch, I try to get alone time to calm down some from the stress of having to work with people. I'm so paranoid about work and working out and whatnot lately. I don't want to work out on days that I work since I'll be on feet all night which makes them sore even when I'm wearing sneakers that have insoles in them. Then on the one or two days a week that I get off, I'm so exhausted that I sleep in late and then I have dinner and whatnot to make and so I don't feel like working out then either. It's really a problem of I need to just suck it up and not care how much feet hurt so that I'll work our on days that I have work. But after tomorrow, I'm done working for while I'm home. I just feel like I suck at the whole losing weight thing. I keep letting life get in the way. But I don't know how to just push myself into doing it. Especially when I have to make sure I'm dressed nicely and freshly showered and made up for work every day. On top of that even, I have a friend here at home that I've been spending a lot of time with, and I'd feel like a jerk if I told them I didn't want to spend time with them because I need to workout... I don't really know what to do. I pretty much fail at this. :c

[MissJenaKay]

9:45 Wake Up

10:26
- 6oz Nonfat Peach Greek Yogurt [[Calories 140, Fat 0, Carbs 20, Fibre 0, Sugar 19, Protein 14, Sodium 65]]
- 1 Clementine [[Calories 35, Fat .1, Carbs 8.9, Fibre 1.3, Sugar 6.8, Protein .6, Sodium .7]]

1:32
- 2 slices white toast with peanut butter [[Calories 215, Fat 9, Carbs 27.5, Fibre 2, Sugar 3.5, Protein 7.5, Sodium 295]]
- 8oz Fat Free Milk [[Calories 90, Fat 0, Carbs 13, Fibre 0, Sugar 12, Protein 8, Sodium 130]]
- 25 CheezIts (yup, crappy I know) [[Calories 150, Fat 7, Carbs 19, Fibre 0, Sugar 0, Protein 3, Sodium 250]]

[musculArgirl2]

You can still choose healthier options when you have fast food though?? True?? They have salads at mcdonalds and stuff?? Losing this weight is the hardest thing i have EVER done!! I said this in profile already but i've ran marathons, i've been in boot camp and in the military and i graduated from college and this takes the cake in terms of how i feel like it's never going to happen. It feels overwhelming. I truly mean that. Especially right now with temptations everywhere it seems.


Maybe try baby steps. make small goals. That is what i'm trying to do. Think how nice you will feel when you arrive in Europe even 20 pounds lighter! I'm right there with you Jena. I've even lost about the same amount of weight as you. We both can do this!

[MissJenaKay]

If we had a McDonald's at the mall I'd definitely be chossing salads, but we don't. We have a Friednly's (which is a sit down place that takes too long for lunch breaks), Burger King (which I don't know if they serve salads or not...), Arby's, A chinese place, a pizza place, and a place that sells an assortments of deep fried things. I always have Arby's. I don't know if they serve salads. I'll have to check. I know Arby's itself serves them, but I'm not sure if the mini-arby's at the mall does.\

As for the mini-goals. I'll be excited for any concrete progress. I get a pound off, a pound on, two off, one and a half back on. weight isn't going anywhere. It's pretty much exactly the same.

[MissJenaKay]

not boyfriend boyfriend wants me to go to a doctors for a dietary consult because I've been complaining to him about how crappy I feel about myself and how nothing I do works. But I hate doctors and I hate talking to them about weight more than anything else because I'm sick of the idiots assuming that I'm fat because I eat a lot of junk food and sweets and all that. I don't know what to do, I mean, it would be a good idea if I didn't hate doctors and if they weren't all such asshats, but that seems to be how it goes. What do you guys think??

[musculArgirl2]

I went to a doctor and they didn't really tell me much more than i already know to be honest. They basically said they could prescribe weight loss drugs and i spoke with a nutritionist. I don't even know if i'm going to go back. Haven't decided.

the truth is for me i know i haven't done all i can to lose weight. It's been half for quite a long time.

I don't think you have either. You were losing last summer and fall when you really tried. It's up to you.