Jena's Journal.

[musculArgirl2]

are you having enough time to study with all this stuff going on?? It sounds like your staying real busy!!

[MissJenaKay]

Time to study? Yes, time to do anything but study or work? No. Lol.

[MissJenaKay]

Valenine's Day is/was absolutely horrid. Work sucked and put me in a bad mood, then I was an idiot and spent money, then I tutored, not bad, but then I came home and did some homework and went grocery shopping which has made me come to the conclusion that eating is outside of budget right now and I will not grocery shop again before March 20th or so, I then watched tv and almost bawle at everything on tv because it made me so emotional and depressed and then I went to he gym and discovered I have gained back almost all if not ALL the weight tha worked so hard to lose. I'm about ready the say forget this. I'm so unhappy and stressed out and I don't have time to be making myself miserable over feeling guilty about what I eat and getting pissed at myself ecause I've gaine weight. Unless I can find some sort of plan very soon that will make me see GOOD results, I'm going to give up because this is so much more heartache / headache / walletache than it's worth for the lack of results / backracking I'm doing. I hate eveything and everyone right now. it all. Goodnight.

[musculArgirl2]

Valenine's Day is/was absolutely horrid. Work sucked and put me in a bad mood, then I was an idiot and spent money, then I tutored, not bad, but then I came home and did some homework and went grocery shopping which has made me come to the conclusion that eating is outside of budget right now and I will not grocery shop again before March 20th or so, I then watched tv and almost bawle at everything on tv because it made me so emotional and depressed and then I went to he gym and discovered I have gained back almost all if not ALL the weight tha worked so hard to lose. I'm about ready the say forget this. I'm so unhappy and stressed out and I don't have time to be making myself miserable over feeling guilty about what I eat and getting pissed at myself ecause I've gaine weight. Unless I can find some sort of plan very soon that will make me see GOOD results, I'm going to give up because this is so much more heartache / headache / walletache than it's worth for the lack of results / backracking I'm doing. I hate eveything and everyone right now. it all. Goodnight.

Boss is better at giving you advice than me jena. But i hope you got over your crappy valentine's day and are feeling better and more hopeful you wrote this at night and i don't know about you but i can get really negative late at night and i always feel more positive when daylight comes. Hope it's the same.

[Boss Man]

You may already know feelings if you are reading this, but I will keep it simple right now and say you ARE worth it, so don't give up. The future is yours to make or to lose and you DO have the power to make your future happen.

Keep believing and stay beautiful okay .

[MissJenaKay]

Boss is better at giving you advice than me jena. But i hope you got over your crappy valentine's day and are feeling better and more hopeful you wrote this at night and i don't know about you but i can get really negative late at night and i always feel more positive when daylight comes. Hope it's the same.

Thanks for the well wishes, Becky. I don't really feel better, It's just more of a dulled feeling I guess.

You may already know feelings if you are reading this, but I will keep it simple right now and say you ARE worth it, so don't give up. The future is yours to make or to lose and you DO have the power to make your future happen.

Keep believing and stay beautiful okay .

Thanks, Boss.




Well, today and yesterday I went to the gym and played some racquetball (I also ellipticalled the first night I went) which is pretty fun even though I've got a nasty blood blister on left hand from it and very sore forearm muscles that make it hurt to write or type which is a very large problem for a student.

[MissJenaKay]

I didn't terribly this weekend (probably undeate though) and I worked out Thursday, friday, and Saturday. I would have worked out today but I worked last night and this morning and didn't even up having a chance to go to the gym after seeing a movie this afternoon because I hadn't done anything fun all weekend. I spent a lot of money this weekend though. :c So no spending any more money until after finals. I need to work as much as possible and spend nothing or next to nothing.

[musculArgirl2]

I didn't terribly this weekend (probably undeate though) and I worked out Thursday, friday, and Saturday. I would have worked out today but I worked last night and this morning and didn't even up having a chance to go to the gym after seeing a movie this afternoon because I hadn't done anything fun all weekend. I spent a lot of money this weekend though. :c So no spending any more money until after finals. I need to work as much as possible and spend nothing or next to nothing.

Good job on working out!! Good luck on the no spending I know that is hard to do.

[MissJenaKay]

So beyond stressed and freaked out. I have gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep each night for he past week. I feel like I'm going to collapse. muscles are all sore from work, I've got a pretty chroniv headache, I've missed a cycle from the stress and I really want time for me. I bought myself some junk food to eat in moderation to prove to myself that I have the will power to make it last and not wreck hard work with it. Also, dyed hair backk to brown tonight, it didn't cover the red one hundred percent, so it's kind of a raspberry chocolate colour (or at least it looks hat way wet. I have not seen it dry yett) I hope it looks fine and will grow out without a weird line. Don't know weight, diet has been pretty sparse, don't know howvmy body is doing...

[musculArgirl2]

I don't kno

I just feel bad that your struggling so much. And i do have to admit spending time this summer in europe sounds like a blast!!! I wish a lot that i had done that when i was in school!! Are you still thinking of going abroad for a year?? Maybe instead of saving up for the summer and going abroad you should just wait and go abroad while going to school for a year in england or whereever. I know it would disappoiting to not go this summer but you could probably start in the fall anyways abroad. I know you mentioned it but i don't know whatever came of that.

I'm sure you have your reasons for wanting to go there. I don't mean to be negative about it. I know it's a good school and it's your life so if they have a great program in animation and you want to be there and that is your dream than i say go for it!!!

The good news is were getting closer to the end of the school year so it's just for this semester that you will have a hard time hopefully while saving for your trip. Hugs!

[MissJenaKay]

I've been up and busy for 20 hours now. I'm exhausted.

Becky: I will read through your response sometime eventually when I have some free time in life.

[MissJenaKay]

Auuuughhh I'm so busy all the time. Oh well. I went to the gym for the first time in forever tonight and weighed myself. I've stuck it out at 250 since the last time I went which is surprising because I'mve been eating TERRRIBLY. Oh well. Becky, I promise I'll respond tomorrow morning.

[Boss Man]

The main thing is you went and that might indicate more ablity or inclination to go, time permitting, so stay positive and keep believing .

[MissJenaKay]

Good gosh, I'm finally getting around to responding to you, Becky! shift got cut this morning, so I have a few spare minutes in between working on projects and stuff to respond. As for the cost of school, I know what I was getting into and I did. I love this school, I love this city, I love the people I know and I'm pretty certain I couldn't start over again. I am too painfully shy to do that. Heck, if first roommate last year hadn't introduced me to everyone on the floor, I'm pretty sure I would have made no friends.

Europe is shaping up to be possible. So long as I curb spending here a little bit, I should be just fine. I've already got about half saved up and with another tuition refund to put away along with some extra income I'm expecting, I'll be in good shape for it. I can't wait! It's going to be the best time of life, I'm pretty sure of it.

As for studying abroad a year, I'm not sure that's going to happen since school doesn't offer a program for degree anywhere other than Osaka, Japan. And even though that's cool, I don't want to study there. So I've been looking for own program to study abroad, and I've been turning up a whole lot of nothing. :c Either the programs are to expensive when tacked onto all usual expenses or they aren't fit very well to major. (all kinds of problems there). I just all in all have been disappointed with the programs. If I were doing a "traditional" career like PR or accounting, or math, or anything among a slew of degrees, no problem, but since I'm animation, I'm pretty well blocked.

---

Okay, now for a me update. I've been dreadfully tired and extremely lackluster lately including a loss of appetite. I don't know if it's bipolar acting up, but I've just felt pretty much emotionless. I don't feel good about anything, I'm not terribly sad about anything either. I'm kinda depressed and self-loathing has crept back up some, but I don't know. I just feel like I don't care about anything. It's odd, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I've become increasingly dissatisfied with things as well. It's weird, I'm used to having ups and downs and I can handle the usual weird elevator emotions, but just feeling drab and "blah" all the time is not something I'm used to.

[Boss Man]

Be positive Jena and know that deep down inside, you are beautiful and that if these feelings are just temporary you will get over them.

You have a lot to be positive about in your life, regards your study and future potential, so chin up misses and no worries okay, because it CAN work itself out .