Rejection due to body size

[eyesofblue]

I'm 290 lbs and have found that at this weight I'm pretty much invisible to guys

Although, even when I was 218 lbs I still didn't get noticed very much, but I have noticed a HUGE difference, as now I never get a second look!

It makes me sad to be ignored, but then again I understand that even biologically speaking, why would guys be attracted to a figure that does not look healthy!

So i can't blame them, sometimes I just find it hard especially when I'm trying to lose weight and even if I'm doing a good job, it doesn't "pay off" in terms of helping me with meeting a guy!

Not that that is the most important thing, but I have been single for so long, due to weight I think and It makes me sad to think that I'll never meet mr. right or mr. anybody until I loose a lot of weight!

It's so depressing!

[eyesofblue]

I'm not going to loose 100 lbs overnight, when do you think I can expect to be noticed?!?

Do I have to wait till I'm 190 lbs to have a relationship?

[(Rage)]

Honestly, altough as an overall im considered fit in a way, but have a little extra fat in bellyand hips, and i still dont get a second glance from guys. I think it's more of how you look like (facial expressions) or so that attracts them...not the body. I THINK..then they take their glances..and see if there's anything worth looking at.

IM NOT SAYING all guys are like that. I'm just talking as a girl's point of view. I'm barely looked at, or given any sort of attention. In any way.

Hell, I practicaly don't have any guy friends (there is a little exception here, but mainly..I don't)...how pathetic, huh? Makes me feel ugly.

Who makes us feel the way we do, are NOT worth it, or our time!

[nsbmsk]

In terms of weight I don't think most guys are as shallow as that. Yes there are men who won't look twice at a larger lady but they're not worth your time anyway. Then there are others who don't want a lady who is reed thin.

One thing you have to keep in mind is that whatever you're feeling inside is bound to show on the outside. Your state of mind has alot to do with attracting members of the opposite . If your depressed and hate yourself that's going to show in your posture, facial expression, and the way you converse with others. If you are confident and love yourself they may notice your weight first but that is quickly lost to your personality.

A person with a cheerful outlook and personality is more attractive than someone who can't find anything to be happy about no matter what their weight is. Who wants to be around a sourpuss all the time? Not many people.

If you are determined to lose weight then do so and keep in mind that your doing something good for You. As you become more fit your confidence will increase. Don't focus on the scale but more on how you feel.

No, you don't have to wait until your 190 but you may have to change the way you think about yourself first. And wait until you meet a guy that isn't so shallow as to only take your body into consideration.

[Boss Man]

Exactly. Health body compsition is just that healthy, but it doesn't make you who you are on the inside.

Some females who are slim, or think they look a million dollars, (most who do aren't all that), can be real bitches, who slag off others and play nice to guys they want.

Any guy with enough savvy, will rebuff the typical "skinny bitch" type female, and go for one with a lot more depth, and personality.

I don't think I would necessarily, be able to be with someone who was massively obese, maybe a little overweight, but that's honestly not meant as an afront to people with weight issues, but I would try not to be negative to people trying to lose weight.

The thing is though, female health is in some way interlinked with feelings, and inner self, but shouldn't be an overriding factor in how you feel.

If you're trying to lose weight, you should be proud of that fact, not feeling like you don't desere happiness, or positive feelings until you're slim.

You can feel happy about weight loss, without thinking, ohh I'm proud of myself, I'll have some Ice Cream, or a Cream Bun, I think I've earned it. I've lost 2 lb's this week, then ballsing up your mindset, and slipping.

So be proud of what you're doing, and don't worry okay. There's nothing wrong with you, and what you want CAN happen .

Just keep believing in yourself, and trust your Head and your Heart. You won't fail yeah .

[eyesofblue]

Thanks for all the replies

The funny thing is that I am an outgoing, positive person who is known to smile all the time, but I guess I don't show that side when I'm out around guys i don't know, as I think I put up a defense in order to not be rejected to face like "whoa your fat!" or some rude comment...I've had that happen a couple times, not at a club but just walking down the street...it's a horrible feeling when someone you don't even know (usually immature younger guys) say something like that...

I guess I need to "fake it till i make it" haha, but you're right I think that I need to work on mind set and applying positive attitude I have for life to weight issue....

I went to the gym and worked out for 50 mins today and did 30 mins of weights, and I've been eating well today, so that's a good start I think !

[Boss Man]

Well done. I like your attitude about positivity and smiling. You should, and forget those other people. They don't know your story, so forget them.

Keep positive, be strong and GOOD LUCK. You CAN do this yeah.

I feel pride for you. You should be proud of yourself too .

[eyesofblue]

Thanks a lot

[swanso5]

A person with a cheerful outlook and personality is more attractive than someone who can't find anything to be happy about no matter what their weight is. Who wants to be around a sourpuss all the time? Not many people.

sentiments exactly...personality is huge, looks helps but it not everything

you're on the right track though and I know you'll get to where you want to be "body image" wise

[Boss Man]

If I can say one thing to you right now, it is don't ever be afraid of yourself.

I'm sure you'll understand what I mean .

[soundsofepiphany]

You are special and a queen. There is no one like you on this universe and you are unique and no one can do the things you do. I'm 5'9" and 270 and I've been married nine years. It's what on the inside that's counts not on the outside believe me. I'm 42 years of age and I've just learned that helping others achieve their goals has helped me in so many ways. I'm not a fitness model, but beauty is only skin deep and youth is fading. Be healthy and fufilled and keep striving to be great and you will succeed I guarantee it.

[Terca]

One thing you have to keep in mind is that whatever you're feeling inside is bound to show on the outside. Your state of mind has alot to do with attracting members of the opposite

Well said

[quickness]

try not to get down on yourself. im not sure if guys are allowed to post here. but I think we speak for us all when we do like good looking girls. but the inside matters more. If people judge you for your wieght thats there problem. youll find mr. Right someday. don't lose weight for losers wholl only like you if you look good enough for them. lose wieght for your own health

[Boss Man]

Yes, guys can post here. This section is for female issues / matters, not a woman only section.

The ethos here is, you don't have to be female, to understand certain things about their physical and emotional selves, or to empathise with them, over certain issues.

Guys just have to be careful not to enter into discussions, without thinking first, respect a female at all times, like she would respect you, and don't make jokes about their real life concerns.

I was on a site once, where a female of about 12 / 13, had real concerns about her chest size, and some guy told her basically to stop being a stupid girl, grow up and not to post dumb questions.

People like that deserve a slap, or a kick in their clearly inadequate genitalia.

Anyway, hopefully you understand interpretation of things, as I was partly responsible, for this section being here in the first place, though I'm not posting this message to lecture you, or make out you've done wrong in any way, which you haven't .

[Joesportstalk]

Your Journey to good health, should begin with what YOU want to accomplish, NOT what you percieve someone else wants you to accomplish , or it will never work and the results will not be the outcome you desire.

With that said, Curves are important in a female for sure!

However out of shape is not. Size does not make you out of shape or not fun to be around.

The health effects of being out of shape make a person not fun to be around. (I hope I make sence here )

If you are in shape but bigger , you still can be a fun person to be with and will find what you are looking for in a companion that shares the fun of living a lifestyle comprable to yours.

If you are looking for Mr Olympia yourself and you are turning down other prospects that "dont meet your physical standards" then you must again look inside yourself for the right answer first.